ATribeCalledGreg t1_iteiz7v wrote on October 23, 2022 at 1:10 AM

What does your ideal social life look like?

carlykerfuffle OP t1_itfgx7j wrote on October 23, 2022 at 6:48 AM

I don’t even know anymore. I spend so much time and energy serving others that I don’t even know what I want anymore. My needs and wants come dead last.

Maybe my ideal social life, just some more close friends and a loving partner, but because of my situation I have to approach dating like “who is going to be a great brother-in-law one day” not “who is going to be a great match for me.” It’s sad, really.

RequirementFew773 t1_itfpnci wrote on October 23, 2022 at 8:48 AM

It's very noble to serve others, but it sounds like you are nearing your wits' end. There's nothing wrong with taking a little time for yourself. If you don't do it, it's likely that no one else will do it for you.

WoodpeckerFar9804 t1_itg9lgu wrote on October 23, 2022 at 12:50 PM

“Who is going to be a great brother in law someday” your post resonates with me. I take care of everyone but myself it seems. I’m North of the city too, and you’re right it’s mostly red MAGA hats up this way.

My family harshly judges anyone I date ( even though their own marriages are shit) and I’ve had that same thought before- who can I date that will be acceptable to my family? I’m now at a point of not giving a fuck. I’m going to date who I see fit and they are not going to approve of anyone anyway.

I’ve been saying no as often as I reasonably can while still providing care and help but giving myself permission to step away once in a while.

Maybe tell your parents you are burned out so they can find alternative care for your brother at least one weekend a month, preferably every other weekend. He is technically not your responsibility. They may be upset at first but you matter. It’s honestly selfish of everyone to lean on you for care. Saying no or not this time is HARD for natural caretakers, but if you don’t, who’s going to take care of you when YOU BREAK DOWN? Good luck dear

fcv215 t1_itjmwhm wrote on October 24, 2022 at 3:10 AM

I’m 65 and have a wonderful wife and good family. I’ve also taken care of family and friends my entire life. I’m lucky later in life I found a wonderful woman. I have a successful business. I got it made right? Wrong since I put myself last my whole life I have no dreams or desires. Happiness isn’t what I think about…it’s simply is everyone ok and taken care of. You must change or you and your desires will disappear. You are a victim to your goodness and decency. Go to therapy now. Get your own life and live it