regarding the air, I think the locals make a bigger fuss about it than is warranted. Yes there are bad parts downwind from plants, but those are easy to look up and avoid. If you're in a suburb you're going to be pretty ok.

For reference, I recently relocated from LA, which typically has 80 days per year where the air is bad enough that people with asthma should be on high alert. In Pittsburgh its only 15 days per year. I'm not sure what the northern CA numbers are but I assume they're closer to LA than Pittsburgh so I think a move here would be a similar improvement in air quality.

With everything else I think Pittsburgh fits your bill. It did for me and so far I love it here.