It sounds like you are really stressed out and you might benefit from therapy. Writing out your story can be therapeutic. Sometimes people that go to good or high pressure school can develop post traumatic stress disorder. Those types of schools can make you feel like a complete failure when you mess up in tiny ways. Sometimes outsiders judge you based on your supposedly privileged background when even the best schools let a lot of people fall through the cracks. Even the best schools aren’t free from bullying and discrimination. Be kind to yourself and don’t let it define the rest of your life. The future is unwritten.