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glump1 t1_iugjovy wrote

26, moved here across the country 2 years ago, didn't know a soul, peak covid, working remote. I still want to make more friends but I've made a lot of them since those lonely mid-quarantine days. Heres my 2 cents:

Lots of people are in the same boat. Which is encouragement, but it's also useful info. Look for places that will filter for people who are also looking to get into the community. Like if you tried to socialize with a random person on the street, they might be pretty full up, and not particularly interested in a friendship. But if you chatted someone up in (for example) a church event, the vibe is that they're likely to be very friendly and quick to make plans together. Look for community spaces like that; where there are hotbeds for social formation.

Find a reason to go to the same place over and over again. It takes months (or years) to get established, and accepting the fact that it will be gradual opens a lot of doors, compared to trying to force immediate connections. I know people here who used bumble bff to make meaningful connections, though imo it seems spotty. The strategy I've found, and continue to do, is to just see the same people in public over and over again until conversation sparks (which is in itself a skill that takes a lot of bravery/effort to enact). I've found out the relevant term for those public spaces is a "Third Place." Keep an eye out for places where people are naturally drawn there or doing an activity, and also sorta socialize and form a community as a biproduct. So gyms, parks, shared workspaces, art collectives (like The Steel Yard), some libraries and bars, etc. Find an excuse to go there regularly and then let yourself be social.

For me, the spaces I've had a lot of success with are 7 Stars, and hanging out at the dog park. Also prioritizing walking over driving makes you bump into a lot more people. And honestly even if talking with strangers at the park doesn't lead anywhere (which in my experience it does), it really makes the day better to just have brief, surface level positive interactions with people. Good luck, catch me on Broadway!

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Junior_Ambition_6624 OP t1_iuiu1qy wrote

Wow, thanks for your advice and recommendation! I should definitely put myself out and attend different events to have more organic interactions with people.

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