Submitted by ThrowAway22030202 t3_11ek47f in relationship_advice
Hi guys, I don’t really know what to say so it’s going to be jumbled and messy but I’ll try my best even if it’s just to write it out for myself.
To start, my girlfriend was SA’d almost 3 years ago, we had just met and it was one of her family members. It was never dealt with and her family is HORRIBLE so let me get that out there.
We’ve been dating for about 2 years and a few months, we began dating 6 or so months after the assault. We were really happy but she had lots of trauma and mental health issues. I believe she has BPD (borderline personality disorder) and she was on anti depressants until recently for about 6 months.
Basically her parents don’t believe in mental health so they refused to help. It ended in me paying a lot for her to see a therapist several times (especially for her flashbacks), go on anti depressants, etc. About $1000 (converted).
I really looked after her and while I’m not perfect I made mistakes, I did well in my opinion and helped her a lot. Im 99% certain she would have unalived if I hadn’t helped her when I did. We spent the December holidays together and she practically begged to come live with me, and we made a plan to in around 6 months. But I’m very early January her uncle who was her one nice family member died. She went off the rails a bit and smoked a lot of weed and her older brother who lives with his wife let her stay there and condoned it and they got to bond a bit (which was nice except for the weed coping mechanism)
But I was giving her a little shit because of how she was acting and left things, and I get she was grieving but the way we last saw each other and went from seeing each other and calling every day to a few texts a day also put me in a tough place. But essentially we’ve been f ighting off and on for about a month and a week, 2 weeks ago she said she wanted to break up because of her mental health. She’s convinced she self sabotaged and has broken up with me in the past during episodes so I never know what’s going on. But after a few days I was getting annoyed because she was really communicating horribly and also not being very nice to me. She also said some mean things. Then I got in an argument with her about it and she hung up. I repeatedly called back because I deal with being hung up on very badly (abandonment issues maybe). But then she just blocked me… it hurts a lot because even though I’m not rich or anything I put a lot of time, love, effort and money into helping her and making her life better. I did a lot lot lot for her and would’ve done anything to help her. Now she does this? It’s been about a week and it’s really painful, less painful now and my friend helped but she broke up with me on Valentine’s Day, then on top of that blocked me after knowing my mom was going for cancer surgery and I was moving cities so I was losing my friends, only stable thing I had was her. I just feel disappointed and betrayed.
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