anyone deal with a partner with PTSD? F34 M35 9 years together

Submitted by barbie_farts_88 t3_11elvvn in relationship_advice

While hanging out and watching TV a couple nights ago my partner randomly opened up to me a bit and told me he thinks he has PTSD from our son's (and subsequently my) traumatic birth and everything afterwards. My delivery form our son was 5+ years ago. He and I almost died. It happened extremely suddenly where I was about to start pushing and nurses were setting up the room, my hubby went to potty real quick and in the few short minutes he was in the restroom in our room, everything went to shit. And he came out to a room full of Drs and alarms going off and some one quickly handing him scrubs and telling him to put them on and I'm crying and terrified. His sister who was visiting with us, bc everything was going super smoothly, got a nose bleed and almost passed out from terror. He had to listen to me begging for my life and my son's life and screaming in pain in the operating room and out son had to be resuscitated as he had been without oxygen or blood supply. Luckily me and him both turned out fine and after just over a week in NICU we took our son home unscathed. However, he has a rare genetic disorder that means he will probably never walk or even stand. He sees a lot of specialists bc it is supposed to progress as he ages but with brand new medicine that's been helping him and even improving things some, we dont know what exactly to expect. I'm grateful for where my son is at bc he's extremely intelligent and in literally every way an amazing and brilliant kid but he just can't use his muscles like a typical person. So my partner thinks he got PTSD from it bc he says he's realized that he didn't shut off from just me, but he shut himself off from everyone except the kids. Does PTSD cause you to shut off from everyone? Could it be more depression related bc he's always struggled with that since a teen as well. I honestly wish he would get help for it bc I've been able to tell it's badly affected him but I don't think he will. Has anyone helped a partner navigate anything like this before? I think he's really suffering silently and occasionally it all boils over and I've been there for him on those days but idk what else to do. Maybe this is the wrong sub for this but I've learned so much from this sub and has been so helpful and I thought maybe someone has some advice.

TLDR: My partner thinks he has PTSD from our son's traumatic birth and then disability diagnosis and it caused him to shut off from me and everyone else except the kids. Has anyone delt with this before?

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_jaerxg3 wrote

PTSD presents in a variety of ways. He needs to see a professional to get evaluated and receive help.

I have CPTSD but through years of therapy, it’s pretty well managed. I certainly pulled back from certain people when I was in the thick of it but mostly I just had to be aware of triggers to minimize my anxiety over some things that are totally “normal” to other people.

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barbie_farts_88 OP t1_jaesz8h wrote

Replying to UsuallyWrite2 (#2,130,149)

Any advice to get him to see someone and take it seriously? I've been thinking about setting something up for him and just telling him im good to do that and tell him when the appointment is and I think maybe he would be more likely to go that way but I'm not sure. He doesn't like Drs and he doesn't like therapists.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_jaetbrd wrote

Replying to barbie_farts_88 (#2,130,575)

If he won’t get help on his own, then I don’t know what to tell you. You can’t make him go. You can only tell him that you need to see improvement else you need to reevaluate the relationship.

You guys could probably benefit from couples counseling too.

I dunno. I don’t understand people who know something is wrong but make no effort to improve things.

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Independent-Fig-4595 t1_jaf02vy wrote

PTSD from a one off event (clinically: non-complex PTSD) like this is very easily treated with EMDR therapy. It would likely not even be a terribly long process as, again, this is from a one off event.

If your husband suffers with multiple mental health disorders and seeks no treatment for any of them that is a bigger issue.

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Independent-Fig-4595 t1_jaf0caz wrote

Replying to barbie_farts_88 (#2,130,575)

His experience would be very different from this commenters as his PTSD would not be complex. It has been generated from a one off event, not years of abuse or military service. It's a non-complex case.

If hubby refuses any medical care that makes things much more difficult and he could continue to suffer from this for many years to come, the longer you wait the worse it gets.

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