My BF (23M) and I (23F) have been together for 3 years, and have known each other for 4. We’re super compatible in terms of core values and personality - he’s an amazing, upstanding guy and I love everything about him, but recently, we’ve gotten into some pretty heavy disagreements about his lack of drive / career ambition. Looking for some advice or opinions about whether I should keep pushing or back off.

For context, we met during uni and things have been going really well. We haven’t encountered many challenges during this time but now that I’ve begun working full-time work and he’s about to finish his studies, it’s becoming noticeably apparent that we don’t see eye to eye when it comes to career ambition.

I've always been more of a career-driven, go-getter sort of person. I excelled academically, was involved in a bunch of extracurriculars, committee leadership roles, volunteering programs, exchanges and internships, and juggled a part-time job as soon as I could. In contrast, my BF is more laid back in his approach to his life. He does fairly average or above average academically, and is less concerned about his career, or what he wants to do with his life overall. I feel conflicted because at times, it’s great to be with someone more relaxed and carefree who steadies me, but at times, I feel concerned that it’s an early sign of laziness and a lack of dependability. I've been trying to withhold judgement so far as it hasn't really impacted me negatively yet.

However, he just graduated at the end of last year, and didn’t manage to secure a graduate job (he's in tech) or any sort of employment. He applied for a few roles last year, but didn't get any offers. He said at the time it wasn't his priority as he wanted to focus on passing all of his units to be able to graduate, so I didn't really push him about it, even though I felt a little uncomfortable at his ambivalent attitude.

Well, he managed to pass everything and graduate without any issue, but this year he doesn't have any kind of job, so he’s kind of just bumming around. When I asked him what his plans were now that he’d finished uni, he simply said that he’d spend the whole of 2023 just focusing on getting a grad job for next year, and then taking it chill (like a gap year) until 2024, which seems a bit…lazy. He didn’t really have a plan either of when or where he was going to apply, which made me feel even more uncomfortable.

At this point I'm coming up on 2 years of full-time work (I had a shorter degree), so to me I’m concerned with the idea of my BF taking a whole year off to essentially…do nothing. I just don't think it’s a great idea to spend a year living like a slob, mindlessly browsing reddit or playing video games. I've been pushing him to also get a part time job while going through the job hunting process so that he at least is doing something. Especially when it comes to interviews, I think having part-time employment would be a great plus on his resume rather than a suspicious gap in his employment. I also wonder whether this ambivalence will be a recurring pattern that’ll put a strain on our relationship, where I’ll constantly have to bear the brunt of working harder to make up for his laziness.

My BF doesn't think it's a big deal and says that a gap year is fine and he doesn't want to do a part time job if he doesn't have to. He's not strapped financially - he lives with his parents so he doesn't have much in the way of living costs (not an issue because I live with my parents as well) - and any spending he does comes out of what he got paid from an internship he did a couple years ago.

We had a bit of an argument about this, and I'm not sure if I should continue to push the issue. I'd like to think I'm just worried about his future prospects but I'm aware that I could also just projecting my values onto him. I don't want to come off to him like I'm telling him how to live his life, but taking a year off to do literally nothing just doesn't sit right with me. Should I continue to push him on the issue, or is he valid in wanting to take a year off, and so should I let the issue be?

TL;DR: BF graduated uni, no job this year. He wants to take the year to apply for grad jobs and then ‘chill’ aka sit on the computer all day. I want him to do part-time/casual work but he doesn't want to.