Submitted by Scared_Fig4364 t3_11ei1ta in relationship_advice

Is about to be 7 years with boyfriend and a 4 year old daughter. Our relationship is coming to its end. For about 5 years or so I started talking about marriage and send ring that a liked as a clue… my boyfriend knows how important is to be and I let him know lots of times how I feel about it. He ends ups always blaming me because ñ of my attitude, yes I act up here and there every time I realized he has done nothing about it. At this point I’m confused and scared to make the big move and just moving out… it has become less about a marriage and more of how careless he his about something and in my mind is not letting the relationship progress because we can be good one minute and I’ll act up the other time pass and nothing happens



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SmileSong t1_jae5qmu wrote

He doesn’t want to marry you. You can’t force him. Either propose yourself or accept being not married.


Flashleyredneck t1_jae4l2o wrote

You need to decide if you are comfortable staying with this person and never being Mary if you’re uncomfortable with that and you absolutely need to be married in life you’re going to have to break up with this guy because he’s not going to do it. He said seven years and I know seven years he decided he doesn’t want to be married to you. He’s not going to do it any promises he makes her out of obligation if you feel pressured to do so he doesn’t actually need them and he’s not gonna follow through. He said seven years to do it he’s not going to so either you need to walk away or decide that you’re good with the way things are and you just accept it.


AffectionateWheel386 t1_jae5vlz wrote

Yeah, he doesn’t want to get married so I would let him go and find somebody else. Immediately they’ll go file custody papers because things get ugly when people separate. Or move away and then file custody papers. You can live how you wanna live.


International-Aside t1_jae6pqe wrote

define "act up" please


Scared_Fig4364 OP t1_jae6zc2 wrote

I would get mad and say we should split up because out goals do no match. He doesn’t want the same things I want even tho he always insist he does. But nothing happens


International-Aside t1_jae7kj4 wrote

okay, so what it sounds like is that you state your needs clearly/hold him accountable for his two-faced behavior. Thats not "acting up" (though it should be done in a mature manner).

look, he's not going to propose to you, and would you really want him to at this point? He wouldnt be doing it bc he truly wants to, he'd be doing it to appease you which is an awful way to begin a marriage. I have a feeling this is only one thing of many that isnt working in your relationship


Bottombottoms t1_jaecdo1 wrote

...but you can also propose to him. If he says no then there's your answer.


still_grinding_on t1_jaf470w wrote

Hey there.
Your relationship is supposed to be an audition for marriage, unless it's explicitly agreed that marriage is off the table.

The first basic bar is whether your partner WANTS to marry you. If they haven't proposed after 7 years, that is strong cause-indicative that he either doesn't want to marry, or that he doesn't want to marry YOU. Doubts and hesitation should be marginal after 7 years, and with a child already in the picture.

Even if it's a hesitance on practicality grounds (finances, etc.) 7 years is plenty of time to get all of that sort of thing sorted; and if he wants to marry you but still hasn't sorted things out, then that is strong cause-indicative that he fails another bar, which is that he's CAPABLE of sustaining a marriage with you.

This isn't automatically all on him, though.
You could be flunking the same sort of tests, since you're also auditioning. If your difficult "attitude' is particularly severe, then living with it for the rest of his life is a daunting proposition, thus your capability to sustain a marriage is also in serious question.

I wish the best of fortune and happiness to you three.


facinationstreet t1_jaf4qcf wrote

He is holding your life hostage. Dangling the possibility of getting married over your head and blaming you for it not happening. He is toying with you. He says your behavior is the reason he won't propose, and the cycle starts all over again. You are upset because you are wasting your life waiting around on him so it's time to put a stop to that. BUT you have to actually mean it. You can't tell him you're moving out and then back out of that decision when he pretends that he will propose.

Start making plans of where you'll go. Get that lined up, recruit your friends/family to come over and help you move and get out. No need to tell him your plans until the day of the move. Engage a lawyer to get a child custody agreement and move on.


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