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SalamanderPop t1_jaecjw0 wrote

You are 26. Best to learn this lesson now so you are trying this nonsense in your 40s. The person you are with is exactly who they are. That is the person you choose love or leave. You can't make someone behave a certain way. You can't change a person.

You have to be vigilant in your relationship to see the person you are with and ignore who you want them to be. One is reality and the other fantasy.

Your gf sounds like a liar, moocher, and layabout. You aren't going to change that. You can't change that. She is the woman that she is. The only question you can legit ask, is... Is the woman you want?

Edit: my dumb assuming ass wrote as if the other person is a man. Changed pronouns. So sorry. :(

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Crafty_Train1497 OP t1_jaee54m wrote

The woman she sold the idea of was the woman I wanted to but the woman she is in real life is far from that vision . I had to ask myself if I should stick around “help them grow “ but after all this time I see that’s not going to happen and in the process of me trying I’m getting my life ruined from the inside out .

I needed validation that I wasn’t being unfair with how I feel because in prior convos with her I get gaslit so much I mentally just leave the conversation as a whole but I’m awake now , thank you for being straight forward . I’ll be moving along without her very soon and focusing on rebuilding what I’ve lost in the process of this situationship

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SalamanderPop t1_jaefm2w wrote

I'm so sorry. I think it's important in relationships to put your own emotional well-being and emotional needs first. It's important to listen to your emotions, especially if you are a trusting person that is susceptible to gaslighting and other manipulative traits that narcissists use. Your emotions are your North Star. If you are feeling crummy, recognize it, pull back, and know that you need to deal with that first. If you are feeling happy and nurtured, run to it.

Also note that your susceptibility to these manipulative tactics makes you a really good person. It's folks that are caring and trusting and vulnerable with their partner that can be more easily manipulated by a rotten egg. Follow your feelings as they will act like an internal eggdicator (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference).

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Crafty_Train1497 OP t1_jaegrad wrote

Just watched that last night so your timing is perfect for that reference lol thank you for being understanding . You’ve helped me look at this in a different perspective so that I can do better in the future . I plan on being in a relationship with myself for a while so I can better understand “ME” before I go looking for a “WE”

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SalamanderPop t1_jaemte0 wrote

With a movie that old the reference was a big gamble. I hope everything goes smoothly with whatever happens between you and Veruca.

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Crafty_Train1497 OP t1_jaepczv wrote

im crying omg lol ! never will be able to hear her sing "i want it now " without laughing now

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