I'm so sorry. I think it's important in relationships to put your own emotional well-being and emotional needs first. It's important to listen to your emotions, especially if you are a trusting person that is susceptible to gaslighting and other manipulative traits that narcissists use. Your emotions are your North Star. If you are feeling crummy, recognize it, pull back, and know that you need to deal with that first. If you are feeling happy and nurtured, run to it.

Also note that your susceptibility to these manipulative tactics makes you a really good person. It's folks that are caring and trusting and vulnerable with their partner that can be more easily manipulated by a rotten egg. Follow your feelings as they will act like an internal eggdicator (Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory reference).