Submitted by Turbulent_Cicada_516 t3_11eea8o in relationship_advice
Together for 2 years and all we do is hang out every other night between 9PM and 1AM. Within that timeframe, we either watch tv, I watch him play video games, and we eat dinner/have snacks and then I head back home for the night around 1AM.
It bothers me because I don’t feel like we DATE date each other. We don’t do romantic or stimulating things together. When we hang out, we don’t even get sexual. We might hold hands or exchange a kiss every often but it’s usually a peck and then move on. We don’t do anything stimulating together. We just eat and watch tv. I don’t know why we have to associate the TV with our hangouts all the time, let alone when we eat dinner. It doesn’t feel intimate.
Months ago I had this problem with him where we used to only see each other everyday but only after 10PM and hang out until about 1:30AM. It bothered me because that was too late for me and too little time for any actual quality time. I had to argue and beg him to see him earlier than 10 which initially he declined and told me 10 was the best he could do. After compromising some more, we came to an agreement to do 9PM every other day. But I learned that it’s not just that.
He has hobbies he partakes in, and in the beginning, I suppose our honeymoon phase, he was really romantic with me. Ordering food takeout, eating by water, going along with him during his hobbies, doing hobbies together, he used to write me love letters and all around we used to spend more time together and more quality time together.
No more of any of that. 99% when I see him, we’re watching tv or he’s playing video games, we’re in our pajamas and we eat dinner. When 1AM hits we call it a night and I leave. On his social media he is consistent with posting his art online which includes photography and videography, so pretty much when he’s not working or with me, he still makes time to go out and be creative. Just not romantic.
I’ve talked to him about me needing more stimulation together, I have tried initiating sexual pleasure, I have asked for more time together and begged and nothing has made things seem better in this relationship.
Should I stop trying here? Can someone tell me what his thinking process might be. Has he gotten comfortable and doesn’t think he needs to try anymore because he has me?
Flashleyredneck t1_jadgx2z wrote
Then YOU plan a date. YOU take him on a date. You plan the fun events and lead by example. Then you can ask he do the same. If you are just sitting around too you are equally responsible for the boring relationship.