My boyfriend’s mom only speaks Spanish when I’m around when she can speak English. (I’m 25 f he’s 32 m. Been together almost 3 years)

Submitted by Idkman4182 t3_11el1rq in relationship_advice

So I can sort of understand why they do.. like his mom speaks Spanish to my boyfriend and his brother. Yet my boyfriend and his brother mostly speak English. It weirds me out because like…this is America yo.. everyone’s speaking english everywhere and she has a job speaking english so I don’t understand why she doesn’t around me. If I force a convo with her she’ll speak english. But I always feel like I’m being talked about when she’s just speaking Spanish and always sounds angry. Majority of the time she won’t even greet me unless I do first. I unfortunately don’t have much time to learn Spanish… I’ve already discussed this with my boyfriend that it makes me feel awkward but nothings changed. Does anyone have some insight or tips? Unfortunately I don’t even want to go to his moms house anymore because it’s so awkward. Even his English friends feel awkward coming to his house

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JoeCensored t1_jaeu84y wrote

If their family usually speaks Spanish in their home, they will continue to do so unless you're specifically in the conversation. That's just how it is.

When I visit my wife's family, it's the same way with everyone speaking Vietnamese even though I only know a small number of words. When they want to include me in the conversation, they switch to English, but they are used to speaking Vietnamese together so they switch back as soon as possible.

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UnsightlyFuzz t1_jaeonty wrote

You've already discussed this with BF, but nothing's changed? Did you think he has some kind of magic power over his mother?

If you want to continue dating him, develop a thicker skin and don't assume every conversation they have is about you. This kind of friction is present in most cross-cultural relationships.

Be congenial and affectionate toward her, and greet her first even if she doesn't greet you.

Or, breaking up is always an option.

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benicebitch t1_jaeoehh wrote

Your boyfriend would be answering in English if they had nothing to hide.

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Idkman4182 OP t1_jaewwq4 wrote

@-@ This is part of what my brain is telling me but idk… just the not-knowing part is what’s making it unbearable

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Jmm1272 t1_jaen7mt wrote

Your boyfriend should tell her to speak English when you are around. It sounds like he doesn’t support you

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Idkman4182 OP t1_jaenymn wrote

That’s kinda how I’m feeling.. but idk if he’s really brought it up to her. I don’t want to force him to say something ya know?.. idk it’s just weird. The fact that him and his brother speak English to each other and that his mom doesn’t is just super weird to me

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Jmm1272 t1_jaerns9 wrote

You should have to force him. He should hear you saying it’s an issue and then he should take care of it. That’s why I say he doesn’t support you. You already told him how you feel and he did nothing about it.

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No_Hovercraft5033 t1_jaey8g7 wrote

Maybe she’s just more comfortable speaking Spanish as it’s her language in her home? Does she make you feel excluded besides her speaking her language if you’re not included in the conversation ? Like if you’re a part of the convo will she speak English to exclude you?

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kaibelf t1_jaephr7 wrote

If you are uncomfortable about something, and he actually cares, it won't be anything you're "forcing." He will want to do it out of respect for the relationship. Just because she's his mom doesn't mean she's incapable of being tactless and rude. Especially if he's 32, unless he's an obscene mama's boy.

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