Gf (27f) and me (29f) are struggling to be intimate with each other.

Submitted by myredhuntingcap t3_11efgto in relationship_advice

My partner and me are in a same sex relationship and live together. We moved in after 4 months of dating and at first, the passion was there even though we were often nervous bc we liked each other. We live together now and everyone knows that things just change a lot.

We have had a lot of fights, spread out, because of lack of passion from me. I’m on lexapro and it really messes with my sex drive and also flattens my emotions. I’ve been trying to be there for her needs but it is difficult when I’m also trying to understand mine.

They’re on the spectrum, and undiagnosed from what they said, but when I don’t want to engage in kissing or cuddling at times, they feel very rejected and break down into intense crying/sad mode. It’s a lot for me. Honestly I feel bad but also get defensive because I am so shocked that someone gets that upset from occasionally being told that I’m not into the kissing right there and then.

My sex drive has been up in the last two weeks but when I try to initiate, they say they can’t, so I understand and stop. That’s never a problem for me because I can immediately stop and not make someone uncomfortable for saying no.

But now I’m starting to feel stressed because I don’t handle the situation right and with her feeling the disconnect, and also me, I feel like the reconnecting will take so much work.

I obviously need to work on not being so triggered when they have an intense emotional reaction because they can’t help it, but I also wish they didn’t react so strongly when I don’t want to engage in the moment. It’s a huge burden for her because then I can’t comfort her because I’m so caught up in defending why I said no to the advance. Any advice??

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Boredandsleeps t1_jadukvc wrote

You guys moved too quickly, 4 months is not enough time to really get to know eachother, you both could go to couples therapy but that can only get you so far. Does your partner know about the medication you take and the side effects it has on you?

You also mentioned that she's on the spectrum but hasn't been diagnosed by a professional? Does she have any plans to see one to get a proper diagnosis?

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myredhuntingcap OP t1_jaf1b6i wrote

Moving in together too quickly may be true, but I do want to make the efforts to improve as a partner because I care.

She knows about the side effects, but I don’t think they realize it may take some compromising when I’m feeling very little etc.

I have brought up her going to get a diagnosis but they don’t want to because it may be expensive and they believe they can cope on their own. Hard for me to push any further on this since it’s up to them. Thanks for the advice!

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