HatsAndTopcoats t1_jade0w8 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:07 PM

When you have "sought advice" from other people, was it about the issue ("I am upset about X") or was it about fighting with your wife about the issue ("I am upset that Wife disagrees with me about X or won't do what I want her to do about X")? What kind of advice did you receive? Was it helpful? Was it more helpful than talking to your wife about your feelings?

BoringAd2211 t1_jadfnex wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:18 PM

The most clear example is the issue with coaching and the ex husband. I came to him asking him what he thought. "This is the situation. This is how I feel. This is how she feels. Am I wrong here?" My dad validated how I felt but gave me some compromise ideas that I presented to her, which have worked out so far. Our mutual friend suggested that I try to be more understanding of her perspective, and that I would need to give up my pride on the matter. My peers understood how I felt but didn't know how they would deal with the situation, as we couldn't just ask him to leave if he wasn't making a scene.

Talking to her is usually very easy and most of the time, we can come to some sort of consensus to move forward. But there are times when we just can't agree on something, and it becomes difficult to negotiate when neither will budge. When it starts to boil to one of us saying "This is how I feel" and the other one responds with "well you made me feel that way too," it's my sign to look for alternative perspectives.