BriefHorror t1_jadk59t wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:46 PM

Reply to comment by BoringAd2211 in My (32M) wife (34F) claims I am disrespecting her and eroding trust. I don't know what to do. by [deleted]

Ultimately you know how much you're willing to tolerate. Saying that this sounds like the classic "When its good its great and when its bad its terrible". That only lasts for so long and honestly to me in my opinion neither of you seem to be in a place to have healthy relationships. Overstretching and then breaking your boundaries is what lead to you being in the place you were in your prior relationship in the first place. Also there are definitely things to talk about with friends and loved ones and I'm not sure you know where that line is. I wouldn't be comfortable knowing my partner was airing all our fights out to other people. Will couples therapy make her more reliable in going? If she isn't actually willing to get help say another 6 months of half hearted therapy attempts or moves a set number of appointments then you might need to move on.

Edit: to be clear im not blaming you for the abuse you went through.

BoringAd2211 t1_jadluca wrote on February 28, 2023 at 5:57 PM

No need for the edit, you're exactly right. I accept appropriate blame for my abuse, because I ignored the red flags and compromised my values/boundaries all too quickly.

You're probably right about me not knowing where the line is. I was single for years before getting with my wife. I think if we go to couple's counseling, it will make her more reliable in going. And I think she'll make the effort while we're there.

BriefHorror t1_jadp94p wrote on February 28, 2023 at 6:18 PM

I would bring that up with your therapist and your wife. Willingness to work on it from both parties is good and healthy but also knowing your limit and sticking to that doesn't make you a bad person or a failure.