No shared custody thank God, he only has visitation. She still wants him involved though, because her dad wasn't and she remembers how that made her feel. I was all for it before the kids came home reciting that I was "dead" and that he was going to "beat my butt."

What you've said makes sense. Clearly I am going to need to make some sort of adjustment here, because the marriage is worth saving. I like your suggestion. I'm in counseling, as is she, but a marriage counselor/family counselor seems to be a must here. Thanks for this.