My 26 F, MIL 53 F has changed in her views and now I don't want to move in with her

Submitted by ADHD_BunnyMinx t3_11elzcc in relationship_advice

I (F26) married my husband (M27) last year. Right around our marriage his mother became more devout in her religion(F50's). She had been a lady who didn't mind drinking alcohol once in a while, enjoyed music and concerts, history, movies and tv shows, used to smoke weed and curse like a sailor. Now she reads the bible and everything is evil. Everything. Music, tv, movies, even has issues with history now unless it's history of the bible.

I understand that people can make choices for themselves and I'm not having an issue with that really (I do miss how close we were before, we aren't as close because everything I talk about is evil.). My issue is that she will tell me that my religion is evil and sorcery and she doesn't want my religious things visible to her, ever. We had planned on trying to buy a house the 4 of us, but now I don't want to. My husband says it's the best way for us to get on our feet and save money for a house in the future. I don't want to live with her period now. I still love her but I am not going to shove myself into a closet to make her happy. I don't know what to do. I've thought about a lot. Just sucking it up and shoving myself into a box and deal with it, let my husband move in with them and I figure something out for myself, or I leave for my own happiness. I dont know how to navigate this.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_jaeswgz wrote

Don’t move in with her. You’ll be miserable. And since your husband can’t stand up to his mother, he’s not going to be backing you up.

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McSuzy t1_jaetegs wrote

The joint house purchase was really never a good idea, even before your mother in law's newfound religious predilection but now it is out of the question. You just need to tell your husband that you will not live with his parents. From there he can decide to compromise or to be alone.

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ADHD_BunnyMinx OP t1_jaezhfq wrote

It was put as a "we go in on this together and in 5 years one couple buys the other out and the bought out couple gets their own place." It seemed like a good idea until now. I don't want 5 years of having to hide myself

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International-Aside t1_jaetk0j wrote

so what is your husband doing to create boundaries with his mother? I absolutely dont think you should live with her but whether you do or not, if he doesnt take the reins on this, you and your marriage will still suffer for it.

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ADHD_BunnyMinx OP t1_jaez4ri wrote

He does say that if I don't want to move in with them then we won't, but it's always with a feeling of hesitation. Things with him and his mom are complicated. She died a few years ago and was revived and ever since then he can't seam to imagine a life without her in it. I'm not saying cut her off at all before anyone jumps there, I'm just meaning it as he adores her and loves her and can't put her at arms length now. He doesn't like how extreme she has gotten but he will humor her and let her talk however with no word of "that's a bit hurtful" or anything else. When she leaves the room him and his father jokingly say "Everything is the devil, (insert name)" and carry on as nothing happened.

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gessabean t1_jaew8v5 wrote

No.... your sanity. It will be a train wreck.

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ADHD_BunnyMinx OP t1_jaezamd wrote

That's exactly how I feel. I don't want to pull him away from her either. I'm afraid I might end up alone if i set a boundary that makes him resent me or makes it an ultimatum. I don't want either.

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