My boyfriend 27M is going to leave me 21F over my weight, so do I lose him in the process too?

Submitted by Nadeauxo t3_11e3cyk in relationship_advice

I weigh 210 lbs; anytime I step on a scale everyone around is shocked the number is so high because I do not appear that weight. I would say I LOOK 180-185 maximum.

But here’s the thing, I was in peak physical condition and 175 lbs of all muscle when I met my boyfriend 3 years ago. We were in a bad accident last year that left me on bed rest and in a wheelchair for many months so naturally I put on some weight.

I’ve been back in the gym trying to lose that weight for 4 months now (since the day I was cleared from PT); but unfortunately every pound I shred is being converted into the muscle that I’ve lost. But he’s telling me my results should be happening faster and the number on the scale is “too real for him”.

He said that he isn’t attracted to me anymore and that if I don’t lose weight he’s going to leave me like he did his previous two girlfriends (both for being overweight). He even said “I don’t want to be hanging around with my friends and thinking that THEY could be thinking I could do better than you”.

Here’s the question; I am losing the flubber either way, but do I lose the additional 260 lbs and drop him too?

I truly love him, but he’s been so cold for the last two months (now confirmed it was over this) and my love language is physical touch. I haven’t felt loved in months, after going through a situation that HE put me in, and now this. I feel shattered.

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Paranoia_Pizza t1_jac5ugc wrote

>do I lose the additional 260 lbs

Oh honey, that's going to be the quickest weight you'll ever drop - get rid!!

Also.. can we just talk about how your current weight is sti less than his weight? What's his problem

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Kokbiel t1_jac64y7 wrote

Yeah, no. It's fine to have a preference for body shape/sizes, but this line is too much

>I don’t want to be hanging around with my friends and thinking that THEY could be thinking I could do better than you”.

He's essentially saying all your traits are irrelevant, and your weight is the be all end all. He is ridiculously shallow, and there are way too many people in the world to stay with someone who values a number on the scale over who you as a person are.

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mercifulalien t1_jac68d1 wrote

Okay, now, I'm not the kind of person that is going to say someone can't prefer to date someone with a certain body type.

But this...

>if I don’t lose weight he’s going to leave me like he did his previous two girlfriends (both for being overweight).

Sounds like a recurring theme that probably stems from him being hypercritical. And this...

>“I don’t want to be hanging around with my friends and thinking that THEY could be thinking I could do better than you”.

Just... What? How old is he? You say 27, but I don't think he's progressed mentally from 12.

Add all that on top of the fact that you were in an accident, you are working on it, you aren't much bigger than when you met and he's even more concerned with the actual number than what you look like or whether you're healthy.

So, what would he be like if you get down to what he deems "acceptable" and then you two have a baby? Be telling you that you aren't losing the baby weight fast enough and what will his friends think while you have an infant hanging off your boob, while washing up puked on clothes and with a pile of crappy diapers to take out?

Yeck.

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-humanbean t1_jac5c6n wrote

You deserve so much better than that, the number on the scale shouldnt matter. Im sorry someone is treating you this way OP, I would drop him too

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BrEdwards1031 t1_jac68om wrote

Yes. Definitely drop him too. What a shallow and rude thing to say. He's more concerned with the number than how you look even, which is just stupid.

I can understand people having/wanting a certain lifestyle and wanting a partner with similar goals. But being willing to leave you over the number on the scale while you're in the process of working on your fitness after an injury is just....ridiculous. You can do, and deserve, better.

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JoneseyP98 t1_jackt7e wrote

I can lend you a bin to throw him in.

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bleep-bloop-meep t1_jac9dud wrote

Drop him. He isn't suitable for a long term partner.

You'll be experiencing a lot more life changing things the longer you live and he made it clear he's gonna abandon you once you fall under his "standards".

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factsnack t1_jacazse wrote

I’ve been married for a long, long time. I put on a ton of weight during that time. My husband didn’t like it but he loves me and we stayed married. Never , ever did he threaten to leave me. I’ve lost most of the weight now and I’m very healthy now and happy and I’m still married. He stuck by me at a time I felt huge and unhealthy. That’s what good partners do. They stay. They work through issues wether it’s finances, disability, accident, weight or other things. Lose the guy. YOU can do better.

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kamjam16 t1_jacmbt8 wrote

It’s perfectly reasonable for him to lose attraction after a lot of weight gain. That’s life.

He stuck with you while you were hurt right? While you’re recovering in a wheelchair and going through PT, he was by your side? Was he helpful and supportive during that time?

The fact he says he would be worried about what his friends think is honestly weird as hell. It’s one thing to lose attraction, but it’s completely different to be ashamed of you and worry about the social consequences of having an overweight GF.

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