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capabus t1_ja84agi wrote

If she’s been paying for the apartment this entire time, she has as much right to the space as you do. It’s not like she moved out and stopped paying and suddenly mentioned she was moving in.

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[deleted] OP t1_ja84w59 wrote

[deleted]

−36

Girls4super t1_ja85b11 wrote

I would talk to her in person when she comes back. Or text her asking if you two can have a house meeting to chat since she’s been gone so long. Then mention hey it really bothered me when you moved my stuff all the time before, can we come up with a compromise so you don’t get frustrated when I do x, and I don’t get frustrated when you do y?

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capabus t1_ja87tuc wrote

Well given how property rights work, paying for rent > someone’s flow.

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caddymix024 t1_ja85jyl wrote

you should be thankful you had that much alone time in the apartment. if you like living alone....then live alone. it's a trade-off financially obviously, but you have absolutely zero leg to stand on here and kind of come off entitled

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[deleted] OP t1_ja87csy wrote

[deleted]

−39

xdem112 t1_ja8a8yw wrote

Then you need to move. The fact that you have any expectation of continuing to live in an apartment on her fathers dime absolutely blows my mind. “I was just going to bring it up,” and it’s an insanely stupid thing to bring up.

She’s been paying (her portion of?) rent for two months while gone, that’s not a small amount of money. Even if you were going to try to corner her into staying at her boyfriends or moving out; that is a super shitty thing to do to anyone. Even someone you don’t consider a friend anymore.

Start apartment hunting and get a reality check. It’s hard to believe this isn’t a troll because of the pure audacity.

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Neolithique t1_ja8brw6 wrote

So you’re upset because she was there all the time AND because she lied about wanting to be there all the time and moved out temporarily? So much to unpack here.

2

LostInTheNW t1_ja8cco9 wrote

Why are you lashing out at people offering the advice that YOU asked for?

2

DrHugh t1_ja84tmg wrote

If her name is on the lease and her share of the rent is being paid, she has a legal right to be there. Your flow isn't relevant; you've been enjoying reduced rent without having to cope with a roommate.

Unless you are willing to pay all the rent yourself, and suggest to her that it might be better for her to find a place on her own, you don't have much in the way of options, except moving out yourself.

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SallysRocks t1_ja87b8l wrote

"Her dad pays rent for her"

But you're annoyed.

LOL.

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[deleted] OP t1_ja87fl9 wrote

[deleted]

−17

SallysRocks t1_ja8817r wrote

I knew you wouldn't get the irony.

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susgodtraplord t1_ja8amxt wrote

Sorry, you wouldn’t be annoyed? A whole grown ass spoiled adult has her daddy pay her rent and decides when she can waltz in and out at will as well as have access to OP’s stuff because DaDdY pAiD fOr It? Absolutely not lmao I would’ve moved out in a month

−7

SallysRocks t1_ja8cz8m wrote

The spoiled brat here is you. She's paying rent, she deserves an apartment.

If you don't like that arrangement, pay all of the rent.

I'm seeing a spoiled brat baby here.

And your only defense? "I'm jealous so I'm in the right."

4

susgodtraplord t1_ja8dcff wrote

I’m seeing someone who doesn’t know how to read because that’s literally what I said lmao??? I’d be annoyed as fuck by roomie, I would’ve moved out on my own the first month. At least I pay my own rent and make my own rules, if wanting my space and my stuff to myself makes me spoiled alright call me Paris Hilton 💀

1

ithoughtikneewitalll t1_ja8ag5x wrote

This is a strange post.

No one cares about your flow if she’s still continued to pay her rent. If you like living alone, move out. There’s no reason to communicate you like it better when she’s gone.

You guys clearly have your issues but like you said that’s a whole diff story.

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xdem112 t1_ja8bs2a wrote

My thoughts exactly haha. Like OP, no one gives a flying hell about tiptoeing around you while paying half the living expenses. Heaven forbid when she’s there you have to clean up after yourself.

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[deleted] OP t1_ja8amng wrote

[deleted]

−20

[deleted] OP t1_ja8bfnb wrote

you came here for advice. & you’re being rude to commenters just because they’re not saying what you want to hear

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AesopFabel t1_ja8bs4k wrote

From these comments, you're obviously just as exhausting of a person. Just have a conversation with her. Use words, this isn't some sophisticated, complex issue.

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anastasia1983 t1_ja8c25m wrote

Years ago in my 20’s I had a roommate whose boyfriend lived on the other side of the country. Her work also took her to his city frequently. She’d be gone for weeks at a time then come back and it felt so disruptive. So i moved out.

2

LostInTheNW t1_ja8cki6 wrote

LOL at you getting mad that you aren't getting the supportive advice that you hoped for. You are very strange. No one cares about "your flow" and she really hasn't done anything wrong except allow you to live on your own for half rent for a couple of month's.

​

Grow up

2

TommyBonesMalone t1_ja8d5rb wrote

Sounds like you don’t like the answer, which is that you can talk to her about her behavior and hope that has an effect, but otherwise you have no option except get over it. The rent is being paid. You were lucky to get a couple months by yourself. Most people deal with roommate stuff all the time without breaks like that. Sounds like your amazing set up was just temporary, but it’s still cool you had it. Now you have to adjust back to what most normal people have to deal with.

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l3ex_G t1_ja88d0t wrote

It sounds like maybe you have been letting her dictate how the apartment would run while she lived there, you both pay equal rent ? Listen to music while showering if it’s a normal time. You can enjoy your apartment. Unless your willing to pay all the rent, don’t say anything to her.

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Marshaisgroovy t1_ja89ea9 wrote

Sounds like your biggest issue with living her is her lack of respect for your boundaries. Set your boundaries it’s your house too. If she wants to be OCD, then she can listen to your music while you shower (obviously when she’s there you don’t do things that make you happy? Why not?). Set your boundaries !

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versacek9 t1_ja8ayzx wrote

Yeah you don’t get to dictate how you want to live. If you want to keep your flow, get your own apartment.

This is like complaining that there are other cars on the road getting in your way. Yes, that’s how it works. Is it ideal? No I’d much rather be the only car on the road, it’d make everything much easier and I’d have a nice flow.

Unfortunately, everybody has as much as a right to use the road as I do.

Keep your feelings to yourself. She’s not doing anything wrong. You want to live alone, then get a place by yourself. Can’t afford it? Neither can most of us.

None of us want roommates, we’d all rather live alone. Welcome to the real world.

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PlantaSorusRex t1_ja86kwm wrote

Sit down and have a conversation with her and set some boundaries.

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spiteful_rr_dm_TA t1_ja87vl4 wrote

Have a conversation with her, and explain that you have a new flow. That you are willing to compromise, and if she wants you to stay as a roommate, then she must compromise too. If she doesn't, your options are put up with her OCD, or move out on your own

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its_aq t1_ja879u7 wrote

Omg the responses are filled with people who has no reading comprehension.

OP is asking for advice on how to communicate her feelings to her roommate. She wasn't asking for an explanation on the roommates rights.

OP, You can wait til she gets back and have a sit down to go through your feelings specifically about how much better emotionally you've gotten and that you think you might want to move out after the lease is up (if you really determined you want to live alone). This will either slap your roommate awake on the things she does to invade your personal space.

OR

You can take the passive aggressive route with a "ahh I really got into a whole vibe while you were gone. Hope you don't kill it when you get back lol"

I personally would take the first direct approach. I will say this to note, you two can still be friends and not be compatible as living mates.

I have a friend who's a pig while I'm a neat freak. We're like brothers but I can NEVER live with him. I'd lose my mind.

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xdem112 t1_ja8ayrk wrote

Because what OP is pissed off about is insanely entitled and whiney. They had no problem continuing to pocket two months of rent money while her friend was away instead of bringing it up way earlier. If they were truly into the vibe of living alone, they should have got ahold of their friend way earlier and moved the hell out to live alone. I had to read the ages because I thought OP and her friend were 18-19 by the shit she’s trying to pull.

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its_aq t1_ja8bk03 wrote

But that wasn't what she was asking advice on.

Hence my emphasis on reading comprehension part. She was purely asking "moving forward, how can I communicate this to my roommate".

She didn't ask "how should I have done it earlier" or "what could I have done better".

This is an advice sub (for future actions), not a judgement sub (for past actions)

1

xdem112 t1_ja8clmm wrote

Who says? Judgement can be advice in itself when someone is completely lacking self awareness. Calling someone out for being an entitled shit-bird can totally be advice if they’re willing to take it as a wake up call.

0

its_aq t1_ja8d9dm wrote

You believe judgement and advice is the same thing?

Advice is direct. Example, based on the context, you should do XYZ.

Your self reasoning on how judgement can be perceived as advice is not direct. It is perception.

A simple dictionary explains the difference quite clearly.

0

xdem112 t1_ja8eq61 wrote

By that logic, calling what the majority of people commented here “judgement” is completely off as well. Being pedantic just completely dismantles what you were complaining about to begin with.

“You’re acting entitled and should get over it” is the advice the majority dished out. You have to use your “judgement” to dish out “advice” that aligns with your morals. My judgment is this comment was stupid and a really weird way to argue. My advice would be not to attempt to use literal meanings of words when coming to the defense of someone who’s acting like a jackass.

Sometimes the advice is truly to get the hell over it and take the moment to reflect on the reality check that was dished to you by strangers online. People truly need to be dragged out of their own head at times.

0

versacek9 t1_ja8ay1i wrote

Yeah you don’t get to dictate how you want to live. If you want to keep your flow, get your own apartment.

This is like complaining that there are other cars on the road getting in your way. Yes, that’s how it works. Is it ideal? No I’d much rather be the only car on the road, it’d make everything much easier and I’d have an nice flow.

Unfortunately, everybody has as much as a right to use the road as I do.

Keep your feelings to yourself. She’s not doing anything wrong. You want to live alone, then get a place by yourself. Can’t afford it? Neither can most of us.

None of us want roommates, we’d all rather live alone. Welcome to the real world.

3

cloudnineamy1217 t1_ja8bded wrote

I believe this is a tough shit situation. You're not always going to "vibe" with all your roommates. Consider this practice for being a real grown up.

Are you required to walk on eggshells to not annoy her? No. But being a roommate means compromise on both ends. You're going to have to suck up some stuff and so is she.

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versacek9 t1_ja8ayav wrote

Yeah you don’t get to dictate how you want to live. If you want to keep your flow, get your own apartment.

This is like complaining that there are other cars on the road getting in your way. Yes, that’s how it works. Is it ideal? No I’d much rather be the only car on the road, it’d make everything much easier and I’d have an nice flow.

Unfortunately, everybody has as much as a right to use the road as I do.

Keep your feelings to yourself. She’s not doing anything wrong. You want to live alone, then get a place by yourself. Can’t afford it? Neither can most of us.

None of us want roommates, we’d all rather live alone. Welcome to the real world.

2

SportySue60 t1_ja8bnuw wrote

You txt back - great - You have had 2 months of rent paid living alone and now she wants to come back to the place where she pays 1/2 the rent. You really can’t say anything. If you love living alone that much better perhaps move out when the lease it up.

2

rathrowawydsabldsib t1_ja8crre wrote

If you check your feelings of entitlement to the shared space she has continued to pay for, and your saltiness over the friendship, you can have a perfectly amicable roommate relationship going forward.

Tell her that since she's been gone a while it might be a good idea to chat about how to keep the shared space comfortable for two people again. Don't be a dick and tell her how much more you love it when she's gone and just paying half your rent. Instead, agree on things like:

Quiet hours

When cleaning needs to be done

how long can dishes be left out

Designate a place for her to put your things if you leave them out

Respect privacy when in your rooms

Keep it civil and now you know you'll want to live alone when you can.

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1

PleaseCoffeeMe t1_ja8aavf wrote

Have a conversation. If she objects to music etc, remind her you pay rent too, ask her what she would consider a reasonable solution, the same when she irritates you. Of course, start looking for your own place, you are realistic enough to know this is not a long term compatible situation for you.

When she asks why you want to live alone be honest, tell her while she was gone you enjoyed the flow you had, she is a great friend, but your styles as roommates don’t mesh. You want to keep her as a friend.

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hissing_mosquito t1_ja8ahzk wrote

Just because she has OCD, doesn’t mean she gets to dictate everything. Listen to music in the shower, tell her to kick rocks if she has a problem with it. Maybe you not giving in to all of her whims will cause her to stay elsewhere.

1

susgodtraplord t1_ja8awio wrote

I mean, if her daddy pays her rent she probably can’t cut it on her own (without help). I honestly suggest you look for your own place if you can afford it. Why you would want to live with a spoiled princess with control issues is beyond me.

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xdem112 t1_ja8c9zx wrote

People get so angry when others have parents attempting to give them a more flexible and enjoyable young adult life and it’s hilarious to me. Jealousy truly is a nasty thing, it doesn’t reflect on her roommates character at all.

By state standards I was an orphan in college and getting on my own two feet fucking sucked until I was around 26. If I have kids I can’t wait to let them take life slow and enjoy college and being young. You can absolutely instill a sense of responsibility while helping with living expenses.

1

CompetitiveDrink9036 t1_ja8clvw wrote

"Great. When you return, I'd like us to create a roommate contract so that we can both be happy moving forward while living together in the apartment."

This way, your flow doesn't get automatic override and her way of living doesn't get automatic override. You will have to compromise, but you will be able to lay some reasonable boundaries down.

For example:

You don't play music on a speaker in shared spaces. You will have to decide if the bathroom is a shared space.

She doesn't touch or move your private property (this is unacceptable, btw, and I would have laid down some rules about this far earlier than now).

If she's unable to compromise, you suck it up and move out when the lease is up.

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C0333 t1_ja9f538 wrote

Tell her welcome back but you will not accept your new flow being harshed.

1