My boyfriend (24M) is silent and it hurts me (22F)

Submitted by ThrowRAcresent t3_11ejhdy in relationship_advice

I'm struggling in my relationship because my boyfriend doesn't talk to me and repeats "I don't know." "I don't know what to say."

I know he cares because he knows he does this. We've been together for two years and best friends for 5. He's always had trouble talking about how he feels with old gf's and his parents so I know its not me. We've hit some hard conversations and he stays silent, even when breaking up comes into conversation. He says he doesn't have thoughts in his mind so obviously I second guess that he cares for me but then he tells me he does and that's not the case. Long story short he made the choice to get in touch with the GP and hopefully sort his mental health but I can't shake the sadness that I'm enduring along the way. Im fighting with a brick wall and its only going to tumble down on me. Im glad he's making the steps to help him sort his mind but I'm in the corner wishing my life partner would say something when I'm crying next to him.

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HHIOTF t1_jaeus04 wrote

What types of things do you want him to say? This is very vague.

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DuffmanStillRocks t1_jaf1dob wrote

It doesn't sound that vague to me. It seems like she wants him to improve his daily communication, this can be just being open to talking about his day, plans for the upcoming week ect..If he isn't doing that about himself it seems like he's also not that easy to open up to even about little things like her day. It's also infuriating if you ask your partner questions like what do you want for dinner, what would you like to watch tonight? And they constantly say they don't know or care, putting the onus completely on her to plan things.

Then when she does, it sounds like he doesn't communicate that he sees and appreciates what she does. If he can't handle daily conversation then he absolutely can't handle serious ones which is where her breakup comment came from. Imagine telling your partner you're thinking of breaking up and he doesn't say anything of value to help the issues. How can you move forward when you know any tough talks result in a one sided conversation. This wouldn't fly with me, you deserve an equal partner and he's absolutely not being that.

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