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dollywooddude t1_jaecx7n wrote

“Moving somewhere more serious” and “not there yet” equals Nothing. Sorry op. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. You’re not officially a couple. You hook up sometimes. That’s all. There is no loyalty expected. Yes, you say you are exclusively having sex, that’s smart, but in no way is that the same thing as your Friend owning you txting monogamy. Maybe your friend even wants to explore the old partner for a romantic relationship or for sex. At that point, you can expect your friend to come talk to you and break it off or get more exclusive. Right now you have zero to get upset over as that level or commitment and monogamy was never established.

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derangermouse t1_jaecj16 wrote

I’m sorry, I may be showing my age here, but isn’t an “exclusive FWB” simply a wimpier half-measured way of saying partner/girlfriend?

If you’re not happy anymore, and you can’t trust that she’s in the same emotional place as you, move on! It’s not like you guys were committed anyway.

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GeorgeRRHodor t1_jaekl2o wrote

>I’m sorry, I may be showing my age here, but isn’t an “exclusive FWB” simply a wimpier half-measured way of saying partner/girlfriend?

Absolutely. But commitment-phobia is a real thing, and sometimes putting a label on it can be very scary for some people.

Hence these bizarre situation where people have sex, have "caught feelings for each other" yet pretend like they're not in a relationship.

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Crystal010Rose t1_jaelxow wrote

Thank you! I felt sooo old when reading this post, my brain just kept whispering “I’m too old for this shit”. Exclusive FWB? Caught feelings, moving towards a serious romantic relationship but not there yet? Like what is that? How does that work in real life? I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

Edit: damn I saw the ages. They are not as much younger than me as I thought. Not sure what to do with this information

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G2KY t1_jaen0mq wrote

I am 28 and not getting this crap. WTF is exclusive FWB. You are either fuckbuddies or bf-gf.

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Pale_Height_1251 t1_jaeehfv wrote

If you're not in a relationship with her, you shouldn't really expect relationship style behaviours.

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raspberryjam87 t1_jaefhuo wrote

"We're exclusive FWB but not dating". That's lame as hell. Either she's your girlfriend or she isn't, and if she isn't, she's allowed to explore other options. Dating these days is so ridiculous, everyone is afraid of commitment and "labels".

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bethafoot t1_jaejn5i wrote

The word “forgive” implies she somehow wronged you. Hate to break it to you but she did nothing wrong. If you want girlfriend behaviors, have a girlfriend.

Actually do understand the “exclusive FWB” thing but that doesn’t mean she can’t text anyone else, be romantic with others, or even use this time to find someone to be in a relationship with. All it means is she won’t have sex with someone else while you are still FWB.

You’re just having sex. That’s all your relationship is, according to the label you gave it. She didn’t do anything wrong.

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FATA987654321 t1_jaekczv wrote

Thank you for your advice. It definitely gave me some clarity.

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Effective-Slice-4819 t1_jaeg9wu wrote

You're upset that a person you're sleeping with, but not dating, is texting someone else?

Shit or get off the pot. If you want exclusivity then ask for a monogamous relationship. Isn't the point of this arrangement that things aren't serious?

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LondontoGatwick t1_jaeem2x wrote

You're sitting on the fence avoiding commitment and wondering why she's exploring her options.

If you want to be exclusive then you need to give it the correct title and stop with the half assed relationship.

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Head-Combination-299 t1_jaedua7 wrote

There is no such thing as an exclusive FWB… that’s a relationship- a messed up one but that’s what that is. Or she’s just a FWB.

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NotTrynaMakeWaves t1_jaeftru wrote

Unless you are going to agree to be bf/gf then you owe each other very little consideration.

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MiloTheMagnificent t1_jaei9ye wrote

So the woman you are using for sex because you aren’t capable of making a commitment is having a conversation with somebody she knew before you met her and you think that you are in the position to decide if she deserves your forgiveness?

You should leave her alone for her sake. Who knows what you think you will be entitled to if you actually deigned to call her a girlfriend

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FATA987654321 t1_jaejkke wrote

I’m the one that wants a relationship. She said she wants one too, but more down the line.

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2muchPineapplePizza t1_jaekb9z wrote

If it is you that wants the relationship and she doesn’t (right) now, run. She has no intention of committing ever. She’s just keeping you around for good fun, until someone better/prettier/funnier, whatever her standards are, comes along. I’m so sorry, OP.

She’s keeping the door ajar and possibly has one foot out of it already :(

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Chaoticgood790 t1_jaeja8n wrote

You’re not a couple. Therefore you have zero ground to stand on

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carrotkatie t1_jaektyq wrote

It really feels to me like you’re her backup boyfriend. If she can’t have her ex, maybe you’ll do.

If you were the one she wanted, she’d be ready for the relationship now. Her saying “down the road” seems to be code for “once I’m sure I can’t get my ex back and he’s moved on”.

You deserve to be the star of the relationship and not a backup dancer. Let her go explore her feelings and you go find someone who wants to be your one and only.

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FATA987654321 t1_jael42c wrote

Hey thanks for that. I really appreciate it. Great advice.

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YakWhich5052 t1_jaelk9k wrote

You're FWBs. You're not in a relationship. Sure, I guess you could agree to be sexually exclusive, for STD purposes. But you're still just friends and therefore allowed to text or go out with whoever you want.

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Riverat627 t1_jaehyq1 wrote

OP wants the B but not the relationship, doesn’t work that way

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Ambrose-DH t1_jaek7r3 wrote

Short answer? You're not together, so tbh even if you have an exclusivity agreement, she has no obligation to follow it and neither do you, all you can offer each other is a quick fk and maybe some attention so you can't be mad if they see something in someone else 🤷

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G2KY t1_jaemu6o wrote

There is nothing called exclusive FWB. You are either dating (exclusively) or just fucking. She did not do anything wrong.

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The-Clumsy-Pirate t1_jaelorf wrote

Call me a grandma, but what in the euphoria hell is an ‘exclusive fwb’?

Either you’re in a relationship, and sexually and emotionally committed to each other (assuming monogamous), or you’re not exclusive and just have sex. In that case that’s not your gf/bf, they don’t owe you anything, and you should wear a condom regardless so of whether you’re ‘exclusive’ or not.

She likes some guy and had emotional connection with him, as is her right as a single woman. If you feel hurt by that you don’t have to put up with her or anything. But there’s no ‘forgiving’ here. She hasn’t don’t anything that may warrant forgiveness, if you think that you’d be entitled

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irishkathy t1_jaejrgk wrote

Either you are in or you are out. You obviously not in!

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captain_jayne t1_jaekz22 wrote

From your edit: yeah I'd move on. She may not be ready and she may want one "down the line" with someone else. You're already getting hurt.

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Super_Roo351 t1_jaelafv wrote

How did you find out? Did you go snooping through her phone without her knowledge. If so, you are a piece of shit and should just let her go with someone that respects her.

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VariationX7 t1_jaemv3d wrote

I don't think there is a future relationship with this person OP, so you may want to move on from that. You know if you're able to do that while still being FWB's or not, if you can't then I think you should cut if off and distance yourself completely and stick to you resolve of moving on even if she comes running back.

Dating is stupid these days with the these committed labels

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ConvivialKat t1_jaenr53 wrote

WTF? There is no "exclusive FWB." The whole point of being FWB is fucking with no commitment by either party.

This woman had done nothing that needs to be "forgiven." Yeesh.

You need to sort yourself out, dude.

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kvox109 t1_jaeccf7 wrote

End it! She needs to be over her ex before moving forward with you

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thebadhabitrabbit t1_jaei8ym wrote

But they are not in a relationship...this is ridiculous

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kvox109 t1_jaeiheh wrote

But OP said they are moving toward something more serious. If she’s not over the ex, shouldn’t be moving towards something serious. Try again.

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SleepDangerous1074 t1_jaejsp9 wrote

No he wants a relationship m. She doesn’t. OP has relationship expectations of someone who’s clearly stated that’s not what they are or what she wants

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thebadhabitrabbit t1_jaeizlb wrote

Well this doesn't make sense to me. They want to be more than friends with benefits, but they are "not there yet". If they are "not there yet", everyone is free to do whatever they like. This actually might be the reason why they are "not there yet", she wants to keep her doors open. OP needs to decide if that works for him or not.

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