I (24m) have a crazy clingy ex FWB(23f). What's the proper way to get rid of someone like that? I've tried but I always end up feeling guilt

Submitted by Vofz t3_11em8lf in relationship_advice

First I'll explain why she's crazy:

I had a fwb that still texts me everyday at all times even if I keep ignoring her. I just got a text at 3 am telling me she can't get me out of her mind. She also got a tattoo "dedicated" to me and writes poems and stories about us.

I already told her politely several times that I don't want any relationship and even "ended" things with her but she won't stop.

One time I blocked her and she texted me on whatsapp from her moms number like 50 messages and I unblocked her cause I felt guilty. I actually like her as a person (when we were together) and I find her very physically attractive, but shes too problematic.

She also showed me pics of her arm with a lot of cuts and bleeding like she tried to kill herself after the second time I "ended" things with her. I suspect she has BPD (borderline)

What's the way to really put an end to this? I feel too guilty blocking her.

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Comments

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pearlofwine t1_jaetrvf wrote

Stop fucking around with her emotions. Shes unstable. She needs help.

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Vofz OP t1_jaeu5gt wrote

How I'm doing that? I already let her know politely many times that I'm not interested in a relationship. What else I can do?

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pearlofwine t1_jaevilr wrote

Oh as long as you haven't like gotten back with her then you're cool. I'm not sure maybe discuss it with the police?

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SevsMumma21217 t1_jaf05cg wrote

Here's what might be a novel idea.

Stop answering her calls.

Stop responding to her messages.

If you see her in public, walk the other way.

Block every avenue of contact she could possibly use to get ahold of you.

​

And for the love of whatever gods you believe in, stop fucking her.

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Zuzara_The_DnD_Queen t1_jaewavv wrote

Op you need to block her, block her mom’s number and block every other form of communication she tries with you

Stone wall her and shut this down.

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Interesting-Month-56 t1_jaewmom wrote

Doesn’t sound like she thinks she’s a FWB.

Dump her explicitly. In person. Then block her on social media and chat. Move on.

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International-Aside t1_jaeuczk wrote

>I unblocked her cause I felt guilty

well firstly, take responsibility for your own emotions. You're not helping either of you by being wishy-washy. She's obviously got major problems and using her bc you find her attractive is top notch douche behavior. Since you've got her mom's number, it might be prudent to reach out to her explaining her behavior and that you need to end things with her so be prepared for a meltdown,

After that, tell her in no uncertain terms that its over and to not contact you. If she makes threats, call the appropriate authorities.

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Vofz OP t1_jaev7x2 wrote

"She's obviously got major problems and using her bc you find her attractive is top notch douche behavior."

Thanks for the advice but I'm not using her. I always made clear that don't I want a relationship or anything serious and she kept insisting on just having sex as friends.

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International-Aside t1_jaevrb0 wrote

you are sleeping with her knowing she's incredibly mentally unwell and is obviously loony tunes infatuated with you. You are absolutely taking advantage of someone who should probably be in in-patient services. You say yourself that you dont want to mess with her anymore so grow up, take accountability for your own choices and do the right thing.

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Vofz OP t1_jaexjca wrote

Okay maybe thiis is worse than I thought but I never intentionally took advantage of her. Despite the fact that she does all that crazy stuff, she seems normal outside of all this, she has a professional career and has a decent job. Normal social life and many friends. We aren't talking about an insane non functioning person here

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International-Aside t1_jaezv9c wrote

there's plenty of "functional" alcoholics, or "functional" depressives. That doesnt negate their struggle whatsoever. The mental illness(es) are still present.

Now it is possible that her coo-coo bananas behavior is a ploy to get your attention, however, that wouldnt make the situation any better. She'd still be deranged and self-harming. She's so not okay even if she's able to mask in certain situations.

Now, thats not to say that her blatant disregard for your boundaries is okay. Its in fact very NOT okay. When you end things, do it very clearly, be clear that you want no contact going forwards. Then block her on everything. The very first time she finds a way to circumvent that, tell her in message form to stop or you will call the police for harassment. The second time she contacts you, follow through with doing so.

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