Submitted by inspiredraven t3_11en8qn in relationship_advice
I've been with my husband for 12 years. The past three years have been absolute shit. He quit his job due to his depression over three years ago and it has just been a spiral of him hating himself but doing nothing to improve. He has tried therapy twice and quits before really giving it a chance. He's been on antidepressants for over a year, they obviously aren't really doing anything for him but he doesn't want to even try anything new. I have to walk on eggshells for fear of setting off his anger. He cannot take criticism whatsoever without breaking down into a depressive hole for a week+ if I try and talk to him about any problem in our relationship. Its excuse after excuse why he can't find a job.
The only thing keeping me here is that I am 99% certain that he will kill himself if I leave. He cut his family out of his life before we even started dating, and he has abandoned all of his friendships over the past three years. He's quick to anger and gives up on people the moment he feels like they've slighted him at all. He says "I'm picky with who I choose to call a friend" which equals to him having no friends. I am literally the only person that supports him. He has never threatened suicide, its just his past behavior and seeing where he is mentally. We separated once in 2017, lived apart for 6 months, and I found a suicide note he wrote when we repaired things and were cleaning out the room he was renting. (I don't think he left it for me to find, I admit I snooped a bit to find it) I just know it in my heart that he will kill himself if I leave because I am the only thing I think he thinks is going well in his life.
I'm lost. I hate my life. I don't even truly want to leave him, I just want him to get better mentally. But I don't see how our life will get better. I've tried everything I can think of over the past three years to no avail. We did couples therapy for 6 months but ended when it was obvious it wasn't a problem with the relationship, it was my husband's depression that he needed to treat individually. I see no other options other than accepting this is my life, or leaving him and accepting that he will end his own life. Any advice?
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