Agile-Ad-1182 t1_jac2y87 wrote on February 28, 2023 at 10:35 AM

From my own experience of 26 year marriage, yes, you should absolutely dsicuss it and both of you shouold be absolutely transparent. Then both of you need either accept each other or end it and if you do accept it then never bring it up again.

If you do not discuss it it will haunt you forever like it did in my marriage until many many years we did discuss it and it was more painful had it been before we got married.

Nothing, absolutely nothing in a happy healthy marriage should be a taboo. Complete openess is a prerequisite t oa happy long marriage.

IDryFly127 t1_jac3ngu wrote on February 28, 2023 at 10:45 AM

How does that conversation happen? How many people have you slept with seems like a bad way to start a conversation.

Paranoia_Pizza t1_jac4qla wrote on February 28, 2023 at 11:00 AM

I think she's already aware that if you found out how many people she's been with you'll leave her. Which from what you've posted here is a very real possibility, that's why she's asked you so pointedly.

To me body count just doesn't matter at all, you could have slept with 6 or 600 people and it makes no difference (although I'd be curious about the 600 lol)

I think you need to gey your head straight before you have the conversation - if it isn't an "acceptable" number to you what are you going to do? If she genuinely doesn't know what are you going to do?

And then I'd just say, look let's just get an awkward conversation out of the way, how many people have you been with? And go from there.

Anecdotally though, everyone I've met with a low number of sexual partners has had really messy divorces and regretted marrying with so little experience. All my old ho friends (and me!) Are much happier/secure in our relationships. So I just wanted to pitch it's not always black and white :)

Agile-Ad-1182 t1_jacf1sf wrote on February 28, 2023 at 12:57 PM

It was the most difficult conversation of our entire marriage. finally, after 10 years of being married I found courage to ask her more or less straight. And some information was rather hurtful to me. It did not change how much I love her but I wish we had had this conversation before we got married.