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Tsukikaiyo t1_jaavsbz wrote

Reply to comment by Anxious-Object-8719 in I’m 21F and hes 25m by Anxious-Object-8719

Sounds like a lot of self doubt and need for validation. How've you been feeling about yourself lately? How do you usually feel going into a relationship? In the one I described, I had hit a low point. I was lonely, and he gave me attention. I was usually so much more self-assured, so I didn't feel like myself when I kept checking to see if he responded yet.

These things happen. Doesn't mean anything's wrong with you, but it might be worth checking in with yourself

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Anxious-Object-8719 OP t1_jaawc47 wrote

well, honestly i’m been feeling horrible about myself also starving myself in a way like i’ll stop myself from eating and even drinking water. i always feel like i’m no good for anyone so that hasn’t changed i just don’t know what to do or how to talk with a guy because i feel like alot of them just want sex. i’m still a virgin and he hasn’t said anything about that yet

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Tsukikaiyo t1_jaawxfr wrote

That sounds really tough. Feeling that low is a hard way to live. I've dealt with eating trouble myself. I've had friends go through low points like that too. Could I recommend some things that I've seen help?

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Anxious-Object-8719 OP t1_jaax5od wrote

of course! and i’m plus size so i also feel worried that he won’t like me like this either idk it’s hard and confusing i don’t know what to do

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Tsukikaiyo t1_jaaz3bc wrote

Ok, I've got a list then.

  1. Stop with the negative self talk. Even if you believe negative things about yourself, I'm gonna challenge you right now to stop saying them. It might be hard to catch yourself in the act, but please try.

  2. Notice your values. You absolutely have them. Maybe you can draw well. Maybe you're good at making pancakes. Maybe you did a nice thing for someone once. It can be big, it can be small. Try to remember those.

  3. Stop dating guys. Date yourself. I mean it. Take yourself to see that movie you wanna see. Go to a park or gardens or museum or someplace, walk at your own pace - no need to speed up or slow down for anyone. Learn how to have the perfect bubble bath. Buy yourself flowers! Those are things I did - I treated myself like a queen and it was fantastic.

  4. An extension of 3. Look yourself in the mirror and look for good. Maybe one day your skin is a little clearer, or your hair is behaving better than usual. Maybe, like me, you get yourself well-fitting fancy bras and matching panties so you can look at yourself and say my GOD those curves are looking good! Did you know that statues of Aphrodite, goddess of beauty, had stomach rolls?

  5. A thing that helped me eat: learning about how damn amazing the human body can be. Scrape your knee? Your body's got you! Sending all the white blood cells to defend you, platelets to fix you up! Get sick? It's on alert to defend you. Need to run somewhere? It's preparing to get oxygen where you need it so you can get there! The show Cells at Work was good for me. Made me look at my body more as a friend on my side, that I wanted to feed as thanks. My therapist told me "You deserve nutrients" and I still repeat that to myself regularly when I don't feel like eating

  6. Self care routine. Set yourself bedtimes, working times, meal times. Self care stops being a choice and becomes a habit

Hope that helps! It might not all work for you, but it helped me

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