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YourRAResource t1_jae56hu wrote

It's not a question of it probably being an insecurity; it's absolutely your own insecurities. It's certainly not an uncommon one, but it's ultimately one you need to work to remediate.

So there's a few things here. First, no one's holding a gun to her head to be with you. She's with you because she wants to be. She obviously enjoys sex with you. Comparing yourself will only make you crazy, and it's unnecessary. Even if you're objectively not the best sex she's ever had, it doesn't mean sex with you isn't great. You also might very well be the best she's had. Let that go.

Next, if you really have no other option but to break up with her because of this, then it unfortunately is what it is. Just understand that just about everyone you date is going to have a past.

Finally, you're sort of being a hypocrite. You're upset about her past. But you have a past yourself. Does having sex with other people change who you are as a person and partner? I assume not. As such, why would you look at her differently?

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ThrowRAPoloDolo OP t1_jae5uew wrote

To answer the question at the end of your last paragraph, I just feel like in some way I want to be the best that she’s had. I see it as if she’s satisfied with me she wouldnt even think about her prior flings

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YourRAResource t1_jae6bsz wrote

Seems she only thought about them because you two decided to have that unnecessary conversation.

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ThrowRAPoloDolo OP t1_jae6j38 wrote

But now that we have had that unnecessary conversation, where do we go from here? Is there any easier way to get over it? Is there something i need to understand to think of the situation differently?

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YourRAResource t1_jae8owb wrote

This is unfortunately a situation where you need to either accept it or not.

What you need to understand is that this is an absolute non-issue and you're potentially throwing away a great relationship (if that's true) over someone that has no impact on your relationship.

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but anecdotally, I'm a guy and I'm quite happily married. If I'm being honest, I wouldn't objectively say that she's the best sex I've ever had; however, sex with her is absolutely amazing. If she were asked, I doubt I'd be the best either, but again, the sex is great. But am I sitting here ever thinking about them or comparing them? Nope. They're the past. Those guys your girlfriend was with are the past.

Again, you have to believe that she enjoys sex with you, or she wouldn't be with you. You need to be confident in that.

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Head-Combination-299 t1_jaecqfq wrote

So your focus is on the now and getting to know her… not asking about past hook ups- which focus on the wrong person.

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