My (F28) mother (F49) wants me to donate my eggs to her to have another child

Submitted by ambs782 t3_11emce0 in relationship_advice

(Repost - last one was taken down)

Y’all. I have talked to family and friends about this, and just want unbiased thoughts around this.

As the title says, im 29 and my mother is 49. For context, my life was not easy and my mom didn’t have custody of me until I was 8 and then lasted until I was 15.

She’s had crazy things that she’s done and been through, and is still going through it - her husband just got out of rehab two weeks ago.

So she wants me to give her my eggs so I can have a sibling that’s half me and my step dad. LOL

Additional context, she sent me 25 text messages in one night to propose the idea. This wasn’t in person that she proposed this, and we tried to talk on the phone but times didn’t align and she kept going ON about this. Basically like it was a sure thing I was going to be onboard.

I texted her today and was like I love you, but I don’t feel comfortable with this and I won’t be donating my eggs. And she said that’s fine, but I don’t need to hear why.

Lol, I of course still shared my opinion because she tried to manipulate me into it over texts for two days straight.

In the end, I told her I want nothing to do with it if she does get pregnant because I know I will be the mother for that child as she’s never been one to me.

Would you give your eggs to your almost 50 yo mom to have another kid?

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Comments

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skirtymagic t1_jaevbex wrote

I donated my eggs to randos in exchange for money. No chance I would do it for my mom, for free, under the kind of pressure she's put on you. What, and then sit back and watch her raise my kid??

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ambs782 OP t1_jaevjgw wrote

Exactttttlllyy. That’s so fucking weird to even imagine.

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Own-Writing-3687 t1_jaf4r5g wrote

The entire procedure is very very expensive.

Unless she is rich, she's delusional.

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AffectionateBite3827 t1_jaeybp0 wrote

Does she know this isn’t like borrowing a sweater? You would have to undergo a lot of medical tests and procedures that cost money. Does your mom have the funds to finance this?

And not to be awful but she doesn’t need another baby at 50. 🤷‍♀️

You can’t stop her from asking repeatedly but you can tell her “If you continue to ask, I will block you/leave/hang up/not respond. You asked, and I answered. It’s no.” Then stick to your guns. She will either learn or lose what relationship she has with you. Her choice.

Also the idea that this baby is genetically yours and your STEPDAD’s is 😳🤢 She is out of her mind.

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ambs782 OP t1_jaeywr8 wrote

YES to all of this. At one point in the texts she was even like “technically I gave you the eggs you have” and “you can pick the gender yourself”

Shit is absolutely wild and I am convinced she’s not in her right mind rn.

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AffectionateBite3827 t1_jaezof6 wrote

She also gave you your limbs does she want one of those back? Like wtf. Nice try with the “you can choose the gender.” What a generous offer!

She’s probably spiraling about aging out of her fertile years, keeping her husband locked down (although he doesn’t sound like a prize), and the idea that she can “do it right” this time. Although given how she’s behaving I don’t see her as more mature than anyone on Teen Mom.

She’s going to keep pushing so please feel free to ignore her and any flying monkeys she sends to you.

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Curious_Cheek9128 t1_jaevvlt wrote

No, just no. Why would you consider putting your child into that environment with those parents? You tell her one time, then you refuse to discuss it further. Don't respond at all. She's harrassing you because it works and she thrives on the drama, which you are allowing yourself to be drawn into. Boundaries.

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Friendly_Shelter_625 t1_jaf2vcq wrote

Anybody that sends me 25 messages in one night is getting “No” for answer. And I sure don’t want them raising a kid. She sounds unstable.

Ignoring all of that, no, I would not give my mom an egg to have another kid. That’s just weird.

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Winter-Travel5749 t1_jaeuemg wrote

I hope this is a joke post. If not, you already know the answer.

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ambs782 OP t1_jaeugyi wrote

Unfortunately I wish this was a joke lol.

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Winter-Travel5749 t1_jaeunb8 wrote

Well, you don’t need strangers to tell you the idea is ludicrous.

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ambs782 OP t1_jaeuyey wrote

Fair. The mental turmoil I’ve been through with my parents has me second guessing all things, so it’s nice to get some unbiased reassurance.

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Winter-Travel5749 t1_jaeve31 wrote

I’d cut them out of my life immediately. You’ll feel a weight off of your shoulders.

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ConIncognito t1_jaf1pbl wrote

Nope. Your mother sounds like a train wreck and a shitty parent. If your stepdad is just getting out of rehab, I doubt he’ll be a source of stability either. The poor hypothetical child deserves better than that.

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callmeishmael517 t1_jaev7uu wrote

Respectfully why are you here? I’m sure you know all of Reddit would say not to do it, and you’ve already communicated your decision to your mom.

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ambs782 OP t1_jaeyo2w wrote

I truly just wanted to see how other people would handle this situation.

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BeltalowdaOPA22 t1_jaf0kxu wrote

Except this sub is for relationship advice and you are not asking for relationship advice.

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ambs782 OP t1_jaf0nnl wrote

I mean it has to do with a mother daughter relationship.

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SnooWords4839 t1_jaf4ka2 wrote

Nope, mom needs some therapy! Hell, she would be 70 before a kid graduates, not to mention, she sucked as a parent to you!

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HHIOTF t1_jaf3teh wrote

OH HELL NO! Do not give this woman your eggs. You have a limited number of eggs and if you decide to have children you may not be able to after this procedure.

Also, you know she is a shit mother. Why would you do that to another child? It's cruel. She doesn't deserve another child.

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BeltalowdaOPA22 t1_jaf0oqp wrote

Your post was removed because it doesn't fit the subreddit. Stop reposting it.

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ambs782 OP t1_jaf0rgw wrote

It was removed because I used something f against the rules before. Lol

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