I just need a bit advice from some internet parents about this.

I moved back home after I (23F) graduated college in June 2021 because my dad was dying of cancer. I wanted to be with my family (mom (52F), dad (was 53M), little brother (currently 18M) who was a junior in high school). They live in a rural area with hardly any jobs, so I worked at a school district 40 min away for a while.

My dad died in December 2021 and it really devastated our family. I stayed living at home partially because I wanted to be here for my brother until he graduated college, but partially because I didn't want to leave my mom all alone.

I work remotely now in healthcare because I wanted more flexibility and to stop commuting. I have a small savings and I want to move in the next few months.

But it's been tense between my mom and I lately. She wants to sell our current house and move, but has reservations about leaving since my dad literally died in this house, and it would be hard to say goodbye to it. She talks to me all the time about moving and finances. But we have fights a lot because she doesn't respect me as an adult. She told me the other day she doesn't view me as an adult and that she sees me as a little kid, and it's hard for her to imagine I have my own desires and individuality. That hurt.

On top of that, we had a huge blow up fight because she has been non-stop gaslighting me since my dad died. I think it's her way of coping somehow, but I've asked her to stop for over a year now and she never does. This morning the fight was about something hurtful she said to me, and I told her to please not say it again, to which she told me that she "never said that at all" and told me I make everything up. I'm not blameless either in this though. I know that I am just angry a lot of the time because of this situation. I never envisioned this as my young adult life, and I feel suffocated by the responsibility and weight of taking care of my mom.

I am going crazy working from home. I'm by myself all day in a rural town where I don't know anyone. My mom doesn't respect me and flat-out said she thinks I'm not an individual human being.

But even saying all that, I feel like I have to stay with my mom because she has nobody. If I leave her, she will be alone here in this small town where she still doesn't know many people because since my parents moved here, our whole lives were about helping my dad fight cancer.

How can she move houses if she doesn't have someone to help? I've had to step in where my dad was helping her do stuff since he died, but I feel so bitter and angry that this is my life. I'm like her make believe, substitute husband, who's really her daughter, who's an adult that she doesn't see as being an adult. It drives me crazy and makes me feel like I don't even have a life. I'm 23, almost 24 years old and I don't have a single friend anymore. I don't see anyone because I work remotely. My life is depressing and small and my mom isn't even respecting me enough to view me as an adult.

But again, this is my mom, and I don't want to leave her or abandon her.

Please help with some outside perspective here. I really don't know what to do. I want to start my own life so badly but how can I do it without feeling so guilty and ashamed for abandoning my mom?

TLDR; I want to move out, but I feel guilty every time I think about doing that because I feel like I'm leaving my mom with nobody since my dad is dead now. Just want some advice please.