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WildlyUninteresting t1_jackr5q wrote

What does “on campus, he can’t come to me when I’m with friends” mean?

He won’t physically wake up and talk to you?

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[deleted] OP t1_jaclgr7 wrote

[deleted]

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WildlyUninteresting t1_jaclipg wrote

Why?

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[deleted] OP t1_jacm9n4 wrote

[deleted]

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WildlyUninteresting t1_jacmltv wrote

What does he want you to do?

What do you want him to do?

What do you want to do?

The 3 basic questions.

You’ve stated the fears but not the desired goals.

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HHIOTF t1_jaer6az wrote

Wow. That is really hard. I can't even imagine this. Thank you for sharing.

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Whiteangel854 t1_jackv0f wrote

It looks like you do talk about it with him, otherwise you wouldn't know any of the things you wrote. Can you explain what does he mean by saying it's definitely your problem that you have to sort out on your own? What exactly he thinks is "your problem" here?

Answering your question, you want to still have said friends and be able to hang out with them. He can accept it or leave. It's definitely his problem and he has to deal with it on his own. But it's concerning that his behavior is escalating in a wrong direction. Trying to make it your problem and being "sad" for a whole day is a little concerning.

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[deleted] OP t1_jaclqqc wrote

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Whiteangel854 t1_jacndb5 wrote

Ok, I get the "my problem" part (I'm sleep deprived and can't go to sleep yet). I didn't mean you can't help. But the only way is to talk with him and ask him what could help aside from you dropping your friends. But in the end these are his feelings and insecurities that he has to deal with, you can only do so much and sacrificing yourself in a process isn't going to help in a long run. I understand that jealousy is a feeling and those aren't logical, but he doesn't trust you to the point where he is "sad" for a whole day...?

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[deleted] OP t1_jacnrgx wrote

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BriefHorror t1_jad2c4s wrote

He might change but probably not in a timeframe that will make your relationship work. Also its a not trusting you thing. Putting his emotions on you like this is unhealthy and I had an ex do this to me (not jealously just saying he was a bad person when I broke up with him to manipulate me).

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trishsf t1_jacjmeh wrote

He’s got some work to do before he’s ready for a relationship. You know this isn’t going to last. You are too young to be taking care of a man like this. Walk away. He needs help. That’s not a slam. He really does.

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vivid_prophecy t1_jadv9hj wrote

Jealousy is a serious issue. Usually folks with jealousy start out harmless enough, but they usually devolve into the stereotype of jealous partners. Just because your boyfriend hasn’t slipped into the stereotype yet doesn’t mean that he won’t.

He needs to start seeing a therapist. Immediately. His jealousy is a problem that is impacting his every day life. At this point he is not emotionally mature enough to be in a healthy relationship.

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itsmeAnna2022 t1_jaf2jqz wrote

Being in a relationship with someone who is extremely jealous, is incredibly difficult. You need to decide if his emotional needs are going to fit in with your lifestyle. It might just be that the two of you just have to very different ideas about relationships and his views might be too conservative for your more modern mindset.

I do think it is really great that he admits you are doing nothing wrong and that this issue is something he needs to deal with, but what is he doing to deal with it? Sulking for an entire day because you spent time with a friend is very extreme.

If he wants to get comfortable with dating someone who is outgoing and has lots of friends, he will really need to work on himself. In the meantime, be brutally honest with him about how his extreme jealousy is making you feel. He needs to know that it is a real problem for you. If he thinks you are just a bit annoyed, he won't change. He needs to know that this is literally driving you crazy. My suggestion would be to go back to him, let him know how much this bothers you, and then talk it out. Is there anything that would help him be more comfortable with your friends? Maybe if he got to know your friends a little better that would help? Or maybe if he spent more time with you and your friends and could see that you interact with them the same way you interact with your female friends and that nothing weird is going on? But other than that, he really needs to figure out how to curb his jealousy on his own. You are doing nothing wrong here and if he does not get his issues under control, he is just going to push you away.

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HHIOTF t1_jaercc0 wrote

Well, I thought I could give advice, but you being in Iran makes it very complicated. Is your BF extremely conservative?

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