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UnsightlyFuzz t1_jactz9n wrote

Move in 2026, as already planned.

Either way around, visit as often as possible.

Your wife's reasons are as valid as your reasons, so there is no simple solution to this problem.

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[deleted] OP t1_jacupgd wrote

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[deleted] OP t1_jacw0vn wrote

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[deleted] OP t1_jacx4ho wrote

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seventeencharacters t1_jadbeyr wrote

>So have you considered how this move is going to impact them?

I'm worried that it could confuse and unsettle him as he has an ASD diagnosis (high functioning though).

>Would your child be able to continue their schooling like "normal" in 2026 That I'm not sure about. I think the kids start later in Canada though

>At the same time, your wife made it clear to you that moving to Canada is a must to her....

Yeah, I feel responsible as she was living in Canada when we started dating (initially a long distance relationship) - so from the outset I knew that at some point I might have to live in Canada at some point.

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[deleted] OP t1_jadngyq wrote

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seventeencharacters t1_jadrk8j wrote

>And we both spent plenty of time in each others countries....

We did discuss the idea of moving to Canada on a temporary basis, i.e., 5-10 years before returning. I was and still am totally up for that without hesitation. What I'm concerned about is the fact that in say 8-13 years time I don't see returning to the UK being likely, especially when my son will be 21

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[deleted] OP t1_jads7qj wrote

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seventeencharacters t1_jadvr4d wrote

>when you were dating, did you regularly travel to Canada and give it a real chance?

I've been twice, once when we first met in person and once for a holiday. Both times were amazing, I just can't put my finger on why. I guess for moves as big as this I want to have obvious signs of it being a good idea.

Maybe this is just cold feet, I just want to make sure it works out.

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KitPipin t1_jadyld4 wrote

You can't make sure it works out without actually putting any work into it, you know.

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KitPipin t1_jacxl4b wrote

When did you reach that agreement?

When did you get your dream job?

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[deleted] OP t1_jaddyyd wrote

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KitPipin t1_jadfmsq wrote

So, it was always an agreement but once YOU landed a dream job, that's it?

It's about you resenting your wife, you being sad, you whatever.

And what about her? What about her resentment? What about her dreams?

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[deleted] OP t1_jadkdbl wrote

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KitPipin t1_jadzp8m wrote

Then, what's the problem?

You either move or don't, you can't win anything without doing anything.

It's not like you are bound to one place with some unbreakable bonds.

Why resentment when the agreement has always been there?

If it won't work out, it won't. You'll just have more experience and will be able to move back since you, admittedly, have immediate family here.

If your immediate family will be sad, well, tough luck, people are not born to entertain other people - you'll be one plane and a couple of hours by car away from them, if anything. Internet also exists.

In regards to your kid. It's not like you are a military pair who moves every now and then, at this point a child will have almost the same amount of stress moving to a different city. For better or worse.

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WildlifePolicyChick t1_jad42iz wrote

What should you do? Do your homework.

Look into the demand of your particular job in Canada. Could you be paid just as much if not more in Canada? Do you know? I don't! Maybe find out. Can you work remotely? Same job but different location?

Your relationship with your mom - how much of that can be FaceTime, Zoom, letters, emails, texts? How much of your guilt is her whining and worry and guilting you and how much of it is you honestly wanting to stay? Figure that out. Is she in her 60s or in her 80s?

You want to stay in the UK because your 'relatives will get old'? Well sure, they will get old. But are they going to get crippling old in the next three years? Is everyone on their last legs? 'Will get old some day' is not the same as 'are very old now'.

And how would your family feel about you putting your life (and your wife's and your kid's lives) on hold for XX years?

Point being, sit down and think about it. Write a list. Do your homework, compare where you are now with where you'd be in Canada. Cost of living. Quality of life. Education for your kid. Job opportunities. And weigh it all.

You know - get your shit together and make an informed decision with your wife.

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[deleted] OP t1_jadgbvv wrote

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WildlifePolicyChick t1_jadt7yj wrote

I'm not asking because I want to know - I'm asking because YOU need to know.

For the record, I'm almost 60 and I'm kicking ass. Can't speak for your mom but I imagine she's not ancient and crippled with age.

I think they'd be supportive of us doing what we want - for this reason I don't wish to take advantage of their good nature.

What? They would want you to live your life as you see fit and from that you conclude...you shouldn't? Because...that's what they would want for you? You would be taking advantage of nothing. Damn dude. Your family wants you happy.

I can't imagine it having opportunities in the same league as London.

Well I guess that's something you need to look into. Are the opportunities good enough? Relative to the quality of life? These are thing you have to look up and weigh with your wife - not me.

But from the above - and I'm just guessing here - you are reaching for any excuse to not go. Because you just don't wanna.

If that's the case, own it. Say you don't want to. If you really are of two minds, do the homework with your partner and sort it out.

Is it a big decision? Yes. Is it rocket surgery? No. Besides if you go for X years, you give it a sincere effort (and I mean SINCERE effort), and you want to go back? Go back. Planes fly round trip every day.

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