Submitted by throwRAstrandedgirl t3_11ejtdf in relationship_advice

Edit: I called the domestic violence shelter here and they're buying me a bus ticket home. I got my stuff out of his car and told him in no uncertain terms that it's over and I'm going home. Just the simple fact that he wasn't listening to me is a red flag.

Also, he has admitted to keeping women around that he used to be interested in as friends. To me, that's a red flag of someone who is keeping his options open and I'm not okay with that.

Be with me or don't you know what I mean. So anyway, I'm on the way home. Thank you to the people who suggested that I call. I have a friend who's coming to pick me up from the Greyhound station in Jacksonville when I get there. She agreed that it was messed up that he did that.

He was always trying to make it out to seem like I was just being crazy for not being okay with the situation. I asked him to put himself in my shoes if the roles reversed and he claimed that he would be okay with it but I know he wouldn't.

It was becoming pretty clear to me that he meant for this to be a permanent situation instead of us finding our own place. It's fine if he wants to be roommates with her but I'm not going to tag along while he does it. So that's it, I'm done. Thank you for your help.

We've been together for a year and I'm just done. We were living in Jacksonville FL and we decided to move to Gainesville where he has friends. We have been living in his car for the last few months and it's been difficult. I agreed because he hated his job and seemed miserable. I don't work because I'm disabled and it's been hard to get hired.

He didn't bother to tell me that we would be living with a female friend of his from high school or I never would have agreed to it. Yes, I know I should trust him but his friends are mostly female and it makes me wonder why. He admitted that some of them were people he considered dating before he met me so I don't like it. He claims that this particular friend is just that but I don't like how close they are.

She's a single mom and constantly asking him for help. I've tried telling him to no avail that I think it's best if I go back to Jacksonville. Every time I do, he makes it into a huge argument and refuses to take me home even though he asked me to come with him. I don't want to be with him anymore because I feel deceived and because I don't like the idea of us living with another woman.

I told him that he can do whatever he wants but that I'm not ok with this and want to leave. I don't think it's a good idea to have so many friends of one's preferred gender as friends while in a relationship. A few sure but not as many as he has. He can argue all he wants about tHeY're JuSt FrIeNdS but people who do that are keeping them around as a backup option. It's made me feel like I'm just an option to him.

I love him and he loves me but I can see that this isn't going to work out. Not only that but I'm miserable here because I don't know anyone but him and I'm homesick. I don't appreciate being forced to socialize with people I don't know. It honestly feels like being forced to socialize with my competition. I know I should trust him but I had a couple of other relationships where they had female friends and they both cheated.

So now I'm of the belief that it's not a good idea. Also, if I bring up how it makes me feel, he just says to stop being jealous. He won't even listen to setting boundaries with them because he thinks that there's no reason to. He swears up and down he's not interested in her or any of them but I just don't like the idea of it. His friend has been nice to me and I don't want to be rude to her but I'm not happy and just want to go home.

I have no money to get home because I've been helping him with money. I don't know why he won't just accept that I don't want to do this and take me home. I get that he's upset because it would mean that we're breaking up but he doesn't have any right to hold me here. He keeps saying that he needs me in order to get a place. Apparently it's because he can't afford the rent on his own.

I don't see why he can't just find a roommate and let me go home. He keeps being adamant that he needs me to do this but he really doesn't. It's really been making me feel like if I wasn't here, what would stop him from being with someone else. He's doing just fine without me. He doesn't need me. He's been trying to help me find a job but honestly, I just want to go home. I feel like I made a huge mistake and now I'm stuck here and he won't listen to me. I'm not really sure where to go from here.

TL;DR I'm stuck in a strange city and my boyfriend will not take me home even though he brought me here. He moved me away from the only city I've ever known as home and expects me to live with a female friend of his whom I don't know with him. It was never discussed with me and I am not okay with this setup.

I've tried to tell him that it's not working out and that I just want to go home and he will not take me. It's not even that far, we're literally 75 mi from my hometown and he refuses to take me. I'm not sure what to do.

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ereignishorizont666 t1_jaeimzi wrote

Go on a craigslist and find someone who will give you a ride to Jacksonville. It's in the community section under rideshare

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throwRAstrandedgirl OP t1_jaeizj3 wrote

Thank you. It's not that I mind him having female friends, it's that he never discussed this with me and he point blank told me that he was interested in a few of them before he met me. He doesn't seem to understand how that makes things awkward for me. You could argue that yes, he chose me but I just think that it's messed up of him to put me in that situation.

He told me that we were going to be staying in his friend's grandma's house and be renting it once we came up with the money. When we got into town, he blindsided me with that. He can't understand why I'm not happy and why I just want to go home.

I may be old fashioned but I think that it's inappropriate for him to expect me to do this. Do you think I'm overreacting to the situation? One could argue that I'm just being insecure but I just think it's inappropriate.

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ereignishorizont666 t1_jaejn7i wrote

He's not listening to what you want to do. That alone is enough to support your decision

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throwRAstrandedgirl OP t1_jaek0a1 wrote

Exactly. The biggest thing that sticks out for me is that I'm telling him that I don't want to do this and that I just want to go home and he's not listening to me. I forgot to mention that he expects me to stay there and help her clean and take care of her kids while he's at work. I didn't ask for this and it was never discussed with me. I honestly think that he either needs to be with her or needs to be single.

If he's so happy to help her out then he needs to be with her. This is not how the situation was discussed with me. I honestly think he just brought me here because he wants to have somebody to help his friend when he's not available to do it. I'm fed up.

Maybe I'm overreacting but I just think it's inappropriate to expect me to live with someone that I hardly know and someone that he considered as an option before he met me. Now he's expecting me to do all this for her and I'm not having it.

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ereignishorizont666 t1_jaekl59 wrote

A bus is only about $20. If you are unsure how to vet people on Craigslist or not comfortable with strangers, you might want to contact any of the services for women in Gainesville. Pretty sure someone would help with a ticket.

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throwRAstrandedgirl OP t1_jael0fd wrote

Forgot to mention that to me, it doesn't matter that his friend is being nice to me. It's not even really anything to do with her, it's to do with him not discussing this with me and forcing me into an awkward situation. I'm sure it's probably awkward for her as well. I just don't see it working out and I want to go home so I'm going to call them now. Thank you very much.

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throwRAstrandedgirl OP t1_jaekwwv wrote

Okay thank you. I'm going to go outside and call them right now. I didn't think they would help me since it wasn't a clear-cut case of abuse. I thought you had to be being hit or something. It's really starting to feel like control though. I think it's more so the fact that I don't know any of his friends and he's basically forcing me into a situation that I didn't ask for. I'm not interested in getting to know his friends anymore and I just want out of the relationship.

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