My (28F) husband (29M) wants to go to a multi-day bachelor / bachelorette party

Submitted by throwaway_just12938 t3_11ejbdk in relationship_advice

My (28F) husband’s (29M) female friend is getting married in Las Vegas in November. And my husband is in the wedding party.

Now I find out that the couple is doing a joint bachelor / bachelorette weekend. Everyone in the wedding party is invited to attend, but no +1s.

If this was just a bachelor party with no girls, I would be okay with it. Additionally, if this was just a one-day thing, without having to spend the night, I’d be okay with both guys and girls being there.

My problem is that it’s a multi-day event that requires spending several nights. And the couple was planning to get a house for everyone to stay at.

I do not like the idea of my husband staying in a house for several nights with a bunch of girls. Especially since I know he finds the one girl attractive. And he has proven in the past that he is not good at handling himself when drinking.

He says that he’s going to this party and it’s non-negotiable. I told him that was crossing my boundaries, as I’m not comfortable with him going to a multi-day party that requires staying the night in a house with a bunch of girls.

What should I do? We’ve tried to communicate and have gotten nowhere. He’s completely unwilling to budge. I’ve tried to offer compromises and he says no. He says he’s going to the party no matter what and it’s up to me to decide if that’s a deal-breaker.

I personally feel like him blatantly ignoring and disrespecting my boundaries should be a deal-breaker. But I’m not so sure I’m ready to call it quits. It just hurts extra that he’s choosing going to this nonsense party over me. Any advice?

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Witch_on_a_moped t1_jaecqge wrote

He told you he's going and if that's a deal breaker for you he doesn't care. So now you have to decide if this is divorce material because he seems ready to divorce over it.

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slimjim2019 t1_jaejtvn wrote

Thats exactly what hes doing. He clearly cares more about having fun with people than respecting your boundaries. Your move now. Stay or go? You clearly dont trust him or this wouldnt even be an issue. So why are you with someone who you think is shady and cant trust?

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throwaway_just12938 OP t1_jaeykqv wrote

That’s a good question… We’ve been married almost five years and I thought I loved him. I guess I still do love him, but I’m not quite sure why anymore. He’s showing his true colors and I now know where I stand on his priority list. I just need to accept it and cut my losses.

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Molsen10000 t1_jaf1drs wrote

This is a bullshit gathering. How would he react to YOU doing something similar? The disrespect here is off the charts.

Any and all responses by you are on the table. Your bluff is being called.

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throwaway_just12938 OP t1_jaf3lbl wrote

He claims he would have no issue if the roles were reversed. But I call bullshit on that. He can only say that because he knows I wouldn’t do something so disrespectful.

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slimjim2019 t1_jaf41ic wrote

the thing here is this. He knows he can get away with this crap because im betting he has many times in the past with you to no repercussions whatsoever. So maybe its time for a change.

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NotTrynaMakeWaves t1_jaexmrc wrote

He’s calling your bluff. Call it back. Get boxes and when he asks what they’re for tell him that the moment he leaves for that trip you’re boxing all his shit up and sending it back to his mother’s where he can go when he gets back.

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throwaway_just12938 OP t1_jaeywzo wrote

Wooo. It sounds like you indeed are trying to make waves (username does not check out lmao). My petty side likes how you think!

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Odd_Craft3946 t1_jaf18ad wrote

Nah, that is very sus and he seems to be ready to blow up the marriage over it. So now, are you satisfied with his response, If not what actions are you ready to take?

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dollywooddude t1_jaefdvv wrote

If you don’t have trust you have nothing. Why are you so jealous and insecure? Men and women can just be friends. I’m sure you find people attractive too, a wedding rings don’t make people blind. Has your husband given you reasons to doubt his fidelity? Your husband seems determined to go. I guess the balls on your court if you want to make this a deal breaker or wait and see until he returns.

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buon_natale t1_jaejkx2 wrote

If he’s going to cheat he doesn’t need to go on a trip to do so. You’re being unreasonable.

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Molsen10000 t1_jaf1jrd wrote

I don’t even want to talk cheating. The premise of the gathering is disrespectful.

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buon_natale t1_jaf27k2 wrote

Why is it disrespectful? Going on a mixed-gender trip isn’t inherently wrong. If he hasn’t done anything to cause OP to distrust him, then she’s getting herself worked up about something pretty innocent.

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