Viewing a single comment thread. View all comments

Ok-Maximum-2495 t1_jaab3te wrote

I’m very confused because this is like a dream. Maybe she’s suffering from PPD? Because I’m confused about what she does if she has all this help and you do what seems like more than half the home duties on top of working full time out of the house. Maybe she feels she’s lost who she is and can only identify as a mom. Do you two still do date nights? Maybe send her out if the house on a regular basis for something she enjoys like a workout class, the gym, or a mani pedi. She has the support to still be herself, she just had to actually let go and do it.

67

ThrowRA_resentfuldad OP t1_jaacq0z wrote

I actually just convinced her to go to a personal trainer 1x per week as I know exercise helps me to feel more energetic and she was struggling a bit with forcing herself to do it. She goes for a lot of walks with the baby but figured she needed to get out of the house and away from the kids.

I think a lot of it has to do with losing who she is. She used to be a full time working professional, was very serious about it and great at her job, and motherhood and covid kind of hit her all at once and I think she is resentful of losing all of that while I go out into the "real world" every day. But she has lots of friends with kids and they get together and grab lunch or go for walks or do play dates, so I think that part of it is getting better. But yeah I like the approach of trying to get her out away from the kids more often to hopefully create some perspective for her.

Edit: We have talked about PPD, and I think with the first kid she may have had a little bit but has been way better since, and much better with the second kid. She just seems a little bored with being stuck to a kid 24/7 and resents me getting to leave the house. Meanwhile I resent that Im not appreciated for working so hard. All in all we probably just need to communicate better.

24

SunburntWombat t1_jab0ecd wrote

Have you discussed having her go back to work after the youngest start preschool? Some people just aren’t built to be stay at home parents. I know I get bored out of my brain if I am between work for more than a month at a time. It sounds like your wife is similar.

16

greenhotchilepeppers t1_jab370y wrote

>I think a lot of it has to do with losing who she is.

I think that's an astute observation. Perhaps she feels that with all of your support (and especially a nanny), she doesn't have a "good reason" to feel out of sorts with this new arrangement. Maybe you could begin a conversation with her focused on this, checking in on her and asking how she feels now after a few years of being a stay-at-home mother.

12