Your relationship ship sounds very tiring. You are currently in a place of competition against each other, you need to get to a place of team work.

I would love to see this from her perspective tbh. Ask her to share it with you!! From your side you are clearly working very hard for your family and doing everything you can, that's good! You seem to expect gratitude when it's really what you should be doing anyway though. You need to get into why she feels the way she does and work with her to resolve it. You also need to share your own feelings in non-accusatory way.

Once you've got everything out in the open you can start to deal with it. You're obvious a successful guy there's a million methods used in business to resolve problems like this, you probably use them regularly. Bring them home and switch out all the buzz words for something more personal and get this resolved.