HELP! Trouble in paradise (M40) (F35) marriage of 6 years heading for separation

Submitted by ThrowRA_Pitiful_Hand t3_11d6lop in relationship_advice

I’ll make this short as possible. Married 6 years, Together for 10. Have a kid. I was doing everything for the family, also working full time - husband would be working late (understandable) and had terrible communication. I communicated I was burnt out, no real response. I went into a funk (depression probably) and just let everything slide, verbal abuse, and kept doing everything normal. Coworker started talking to me outside of work, very platonic at first, then I realized I was missing something and actually wasn’t happy.. tried another conversation with husband.. went no where. He has anger issues, things progressed one night out of no where and after that with the other guy I was talking to one thing led to another and I had an affair, I came clean.. THEN husband cheated to “get back at me” and said we were already done when the 3 days leading up to his infidelity he told me we have to work this out, I’m his everything. Mind f***.

We ended up being in a super toxic environment for a few months. Then one night we talked.. very civil.. says he wants a divorce, we start the separation process which I’ve wanted from the beginning realizing how unhappy I was. Now he changed his mind and doesn’t want that.. he will do anything to make this work..but I still want the separation (not because of the other guy) but I am just scared, mostly of judgement and what comes next. I know what’s right.. but he’s a great father and I can’t picture a future without him.

I’ve never posted before but need some outside opinions. PLEASE HELP.

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floppybunny86 t1_ja72nox wrote

It shouldn’t take one of you cheating, or demanding a divorce for you to be heard & have your feelings taken seriously. Your relationship is broken.

You don’t have to “save” it. You are not compatible any more.

Go ahead with the divorce.

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FelixFrancis0019 t1_ja6ywp1 wrote

This will happen again if you decide to stay. He can still be a great father, but he doesnt need to be your husband to be a great father.

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Ok-fifi-78 t1_ja6z7it wrote

For now separation is the best.

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Pricklypicklepump t1_ja7ka46 wrote

He can still be a great father without being your partner. His parenting skills don't make up for what's lacking in your relationship.

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