Fiancé (35m) accused me of cheating b/c I (34f) took a midday shower.

Submitted by CassCorazon t3_11ehowe in relationship_advice

Having a hard time dealing with partners extreme anxious accusations. Partner has severe GAD. After dealing with this for years, it is the worst it’s ever been.

Long story short, I stay because I have a 1yr old with him plus live with my 2 older kids and up and leaving just isn’t an option at the moment and isn’t easy.

Partner called me to have some guy check out the dust in our ducts. Guy left, I take the time to then jump in the shower and get ready to clean the house before kids come home. He calls to find out how it went and then starts asking me why I’m showering. I basically say it’s weird that you’re asking me that, it’s just a shower (thinking he’s trying to make a connection between some random person being here to now me showering). After getting off the phone he starts rage texting about how he’s wasting money, I’m clearly cheating, screw counseling (we just started counseling because his treatment is getting unbearable).

I am getting so tired of this. Getting tired of the wasted days. Feeling like crap. Feeling like I absolutely cannot stand him. I stopped messaging after he told me to move out. What should be my next move from here?

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laserox t1_jae30ii wrote

"staying for the kids" means teaching your kids this is a normal family dynamic and they should stay with a crappy partner just like mommy did.

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CassCorazon OP t1_jae3sgc wrote

The kids don’t see him verbally attacking me. It’s mainly through text. Or very quickly when we are alone. I don’t actively fight in front of them. It isn’t an excuse it’s just the situation I am in with the baby. Had I not had a baby, I could really just up and go and figure things out. I feel the baby complicates things by 10,000

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laserox t1_jae49vj wrote

It does, but it doesn't change the bottom line.

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CassCorazon OP t1_jae4zxr wrote

You’re right. Trust me. I would give this same advice to a friend. I am just saying that up and leaving is not really possible in the moment and I have no clue how to get my point across

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laserox t1_jae5bsj wrote

If he won't take counselling seriously I'm not sure you have many other options. He has trust/insecurity issues that you can't talk your way out of. He needs help, but he needs to want to be better or it won't stick.

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HatsAndTopcoats t1_jae82ks wrote

You can't make him not want to treat you like garbage. If you're choosing to stay with someone who's going to treat you like garbage, that's the choice you're making.

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Murky_Anxiety4884 t1_jae3m51 wrote

You need a partner, not a jailer. It's no good being treated like a criminal, if you're not.

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CassCorazon OP t1_jae41fc wrote

It really got me mad, though I didn’t attack him. I simply asked why he was asking that and was he trying to connect weird dots. I could tell by his tone he wasn’t ok. Not sure what I’m supposed to say nicely to that? I couldn’t believe that me innocently showering meant something negative. It’s mainly the aftermath that I’m fuming about though.

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slimjim2019 t1_jaek2f4 wrote

move out! Thats your next option.

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