I (44F) didn’t get diagnosed until I was 43 after my good friend took her daughter to be tested and we talked about it. Women are under diagnosed as we don’t tend to have the hyperactivity component.

I have struggled my entire life—always very successful but things just take so much effort. I didn’t realize until after I got meds that other people didn’t have to try so hard to do so little. I thought everyone struggled and I was lazy or a procrastinator or dumb or something.

Kicker? I’m a project manager. I’m very organized with work and at home and require routine and structure else things feel really out of control.

It sounds like you’ve kind of gone the other way and just play everything by ear and casual and “it will work out.” Know why you can? Because you had a parent and now a GF picking up after you and organizing things. Most women don’t have that luxury.

I truly am not trying to kick you while you’re down or trying to be an asshole here….it’s just that your post is so…dismissive. Like she should just relax. But what you’re asking is for her to behave like a feral little kid with no rules just like you do. That’s simply not going to work for most people.

If you don’t want to be on a stimulant like aderall, there are other meds like strattera. I’d strongly recommend that you speak to your doctor. And also with your therapist, about some CBT specific to ADHD. There are some pretty basic things you can do like list making, prioritization, breaking things down into smaller tasks, setting timers or alarms, checklists, and so forth. Much of that you can also find online with a Google.

Good luck.