I (23F) feel like I want to cheat on my boyfriend (23M) I would never but I just can’t help feeling this way

Submitted by [deleted] t3_127n7yk in relationship_advice

My boyfriend have been on and off for about 4 years. He has cheated on me in the past by messaging other females dirty things.

I have decided to try again in the relationship in Nov 2022. We do live together because my family moved 4 hours away and I have to stay back to finish college. I don’t think I will be able to afford rent on my own so I’m kind of desperate into staying in this place with him.

Since the cheating he did in 2020, I cannot get it out of my mind, the messages replay in my head everyday I can’t seem to let go out it. I feel like he’s still doing it because he treats me like trash, he doesn’t reassure his “love” for me, he never touches me, initiates sex, he doesn’t kiss me. It’s like we are just roommates. I try all the time to get him to give me attention, I do his laundry, I cook and clean.

I tell him how I feel and he said he does enough and there’s no time in day to please me. He says he doesn’t want to argue everyday but, I wouldn’t start fights if I just got treated how I deserved to be. Why won’t he just change?

I just feel so lonely in this relationship and I have no where else to live I need to finish my program. I know cheating is NOT right, I am the the person to cheat, I feel wrong for feeling this way.

I do NOT want to get revenge for him cheating. I am not the type of person but I just feel so alone with the lack of love and intimacy.

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Rstar2247 t1_jeeu35d wrote

So he's cheated, you want to cheat and the relationship is generally toxic. Why are you still in it?

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blazingdonut2769 t1_jeeue73 wrote

Ofc you know that you have to get out of the relationship. The problem is the living situation. Do you have a job or any kind of money? Is there anyone you can stay with temporarily?

How long is the program? If it ends this May I'd tell you to just tough it out for now. If there are more semesters - you can't keep doing this. What kind of program is it? How long does it last? And do you work at all?

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[deleted] OP t1_jeeupsn wrote

I do have money and a job , it will just be hard because rent is so high. I have a car payment as well I can’t become like homeless. My entire family moved 4 hours away so I don’t have anyone here. I have 3 years left in the nursing program.

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blazingdonut2769 t1_jeeuuiw wrote

Can you live somewhere with roommates?

Or can you look into transferring to another nursing program? There are plenty and I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to transfer the credits

Point is, you know you can't keep this up for 3 years right?

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Creative_Recover t1_jeexxgy wrote

You shouldn't have agreed to get back with him when you hadn't forgiven him for what he did and there were no signs that anything had fundamentally improved. I think that it would be better for you if you get more realistic about how you actually feel than continuing on in this relationship (which as it currently stands, also sounds deeply unpleasant to be in and virtually a non-relationship).

Don't stoop to his level. With each passing day you are just wasting more of your time, heart and youth in your relationship, you need to break up.

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