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One situation has nothing to do with the other. You tell her you're frustrated that she's not working or even trying. She responds by saying there are things you don't do. Does that change the fact that she's not working?

I'm sure there are things you need to work on, and you should take whatever measures necessary to do so. But let's just focus on her for a minute. She's unreliable and immature. You're logically going to have to support her for as long as you're together. You need to decide if you're good with that or not.

If not, call her bluff with her saying she's done. Tell her "good." When she almost certainly reverses course, you should actually be done with her. Good luck.

Then let her be done and get her out of there so you’re not dealing with her drama and lack of employment. Why the hell couldn’t she fill the cat feeders since she’s home on her ass all day? Seems to me that she is just picking fights out of boredom or needing to feel in control.

She sounds like a real PITA with her sketchy employment history and communication approach.

I agree, I've been doing what I can to change myself to not be forgetful but when I bring up something, she turns it into a fight about what I did wrong.

It's definitely frustrating when I get home after being out all day, to an argument. The most popular is when I try to sit at my desk and relax for a second and I get her telling me I never spend time with her.

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>I've been doing what I can to change myself to not be forgetful

What does that mean? What have you done?

Making sticky notes, setting alarms, debating on getting meds again, being more mindful of daily tasks, etc. The forgetfulness that comes with ADHD is rough but manageable and I'm trying to be better