>Sex always felt like a chore to me ... In the beginning I was never able to come, he always said it's my fault ... I feel like my view on sex is sort of distorted, I never did it for myself. I had other sex partners after my relationship and I never enjoyed it that much ... We tried making me come, I showed him what I do and I also brought my toy, but it just didn't work. At some point I suddenly broke down crying, I think trying to make me come to no avail triggered me.

The first lie that your ex told you was that it was your fault. Fault and guilt have nothing to do with it. You do not owe anybody an orgasm. Not even yourself. Orgasms, when they happen, are a treat. A treat for you. You're thinking of your own orgasms as a gift to your partner, not a gift to yourself. Please be more selfish about this.

I recommend getting lots of practice in giving orgasms to yourself. By yourself, you don't need to think about anyone else. Try different things, just to see what works and what doesn't. It's all about you.

Once you start to get good at giving orgasms to yourself, think about things you could do with another body in the room to spice things up. Even if it's just somebody to help you operate three toys all at once. Then add that body. Make it a fun, stress-free, exploration. Above all, be sure to enjoy the things that aren't orgasms too.