I (36M) rated my girlfriend (24F) a 6/10 at the start of us dating.

Submitted by ThrowRA_womanpokedex t3_126nel4 in relationship_advice

I made the mistake of telling her this on our third date and understandably it’s taken a massive hit on her self confidence. She doesn’t trust me very much and she’s become needy in the relationship. What can I do to boost her self esteem? She likes classical romantic stuff but I find it kind of cringe so I don’t do them.

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Ok-Astronaut-2837 t1_je9u6l4 wrote

Jesus. Why do men do this? Unless you tell her every day that she's beautiful, this is going to continue to be a problem for her as long as you're in her life. It's something she needs to work on and probably was before you wrecked her self-esteem. I'd say she needs to be with someone who considers her a 10/10, instead of someone who won't even consider her feelings.

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GN_des t1_je9vy8m wrote

You're dating a 6/10 who has a love language that you find ridiculous.

Did you really make the right choice?

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AcanthaceaeGrouchy95 t1_je9we2v wrote

Why do people think that rating others on their faces or behind is fine and fun, she actually deserves to be with someone who actually considers her a 10 and if I could advice her rn I would have told her to leave you because I don't think she will ever be able to feel good about her own self and her body if she continues staying with you, she will always need others' validation now because her boyfriend straight away rated her a 6, no matter what you tell her now this thing is always going to stay at the back of her mind and Idk how a 36M is not even mature enough to know how such remarks can destroy someone's entire self esteem

Also I read your previous post , how were you 31 last month and 36 now???

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wachenikusemapoa t1_je9wota wrote

Replying to ThrowRA_womanpokedex (#2,484,514)

It was very immature of you to "rate" her in the first place let alone tell her about it. And if you're not willing to show her love in the way she appreciates, especially after saying something that makes her feel she's not your top choice, then just let her go. You don't sound like you're willing to put in any effort to show her you care. You're no good for her.

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ThrowRA_womanpokedex OP t1_je9wp0e wrote

Replying to GN_des (#2,484,506)

I don’t think she’s a 6/10. I came from a different country (tall, thin, white) where women look different and I was used to it. I actually realized that I prefer her look (mixed race, curvy) and that she’s the most attractive to me.

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According_Ad6364 t1_je9zgfd wrote

It doesn’t really matter if you find it cringe- you’d be doing them for her, because she likes them and to show you much you care and appreciate her. The fact that you haven’t been doing them says to me that you aren’t actually willing to step up for her spells a doomed relationship.

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Pricklypicklepump t1_jea0tlw wrote

Why would you rate someone? You're 36 years old and still acting like a child.

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jabmwr t1_jea0upw wrote

It’s over. Why the fuck would you ever consider saying this to her - or anyone? What did you hope to gain by telling her?

“She likes classical romantic stuff but I find it kind of cringe so I don’t do them”.

Are you serious, OP? But SHE finds it special; it’s not always about you. It doesn’t have to be a big gesture or all of the time. I think it’s sad that you don’t inherently want to plan something cute to make her smile. This seems like a big opportunity to “make it up to her.” But I think anything you say or do is futile and I question how much you actually like your gf.

I forgot that you’re 36, not a teenager. Grow up.

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Castle_of_Aaaaaaargh t1_jea1srd wrote

"you're a 6/10" is EXACTLY the kind of thing a 36 year old would say to beat down a 24 year old. Seriously, it sucks, but it fits.

You also hate all the romantic stuff she enjoys. just free the poor girl, you're enjoying this powertrip and dynamic too much, she's only going to end off worse for it.

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epiix33 t1_jea22f9 wrote

Replying to Irrithehandmaid (#2,484,160)

THIS!! I wouldn‘t want a partner who isn‘t my number 1 hypeman. Or rates women based on numbers. My ex did that to shatter my confidence on purpose and I‘d advise people to RUN if they get in this situation. Like.. OP, who are you to rate people?

Edit: My ex would say „intelligence wise you‘re a 6/10“ (while I go to one of the hardest law schools and I appreciate my intelligence) and when I would get upset he‘d go down with the number just to hurt me.

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jabmwr t1_jea2tns wrote

Replying to ThrowRA_womanpokedex (#2,484,705)

So then why say that at all? This answer makes everything infinitely worse. You basically just said that you did find her a 6/10 because you’re used to a white demographic. You then slowly changed your “rating” to “the most attractive” because you learned to love her body and ethnicity/race. Ick.

ETA: I think people can initially not find someone as attractive, but really like their partner’s core; the attraction can grow as you become more intimate and grow the relationship. In this context, given OP’s answers, this is only surface level and not focused on the actual connection between them.

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Moon_Ray_77 t1_jea5ytv wrote

Your a 36 year old man - wtf are you rating women like you are still in high school??

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troni91 t1_jeaaqhb wrote

Replying to ThrowRA_womanpokedex (#2,484,894)

I'm gonna give you some benefit of the doubt and offer advice. When you are about to say something - anything really. Think to yourself "what do I want to achieve from this" ... If you'd done this when you rated your GF, you may have realised there was nothing positive that could come out of that.

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