8vox8 OP t1_jeeqvmm wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:09 PM

Reply to comment by Creative_Recover in I (26f) haven't had sex with my fiancé (27m) for longer than I can remember by 8vox8

He does value me, there's a lot more to it than just the intimate side, I know he loves me and if anything that makes it harder because he always says he'd be lost without me, loves me more than anything, can't see a life without me etc. I know he loves me I just don't think he shows it in the same ways I do

Creative_Recover t1_jees4nc wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:18 PM

Actions speak louder than words. Getting comfortable and codependent in a relationship is not the same thing as really valuing another.

"I just don't think he shows it in the same ways I do"- Like what ways exactly? Bceause it sounds like he doesn't show it in almost any ways at all.

8vox8 OP t1_jeeticn wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:27 PM

He tells me he loves me, he couldn't be without me, works hard to support us financially, he's protective, idk what ways is he supposed to?

Creative_Recover t1_jeeuq5a wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:35 PM

"What ways is he supposed to?"- for example putting any effort into your sex life, gift giving, going out together and caring about important things going on in your life (Etc). As a couple you should be putting in equal efforts for each other.

Telling someone you love them is easy. And I'm pretty sure that even if you weren't together, he would still work hard at his job.

"Protective"- In what ways is he protective? Caring about your partner is a super basic requirement.

Look, people can get comfortable and lazy in relationships. You feel dismissed and unsatisfied because you have good reasons to. But any suggestion from people here that your partner might be at fault of this and you get immediately defensive about him. It sounds like you don't want to deal with the source of the problems where they actually lie and are just trying to blame/rationalize yourself into accepting these negative feelings as your own fault and responsibility.

If your partner won't put in effort (and you won't address your partners lack of effort), then there is no hope of anything getting better.

8vox8 OP t1_jeevj49 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:41 PM

I just really care about him and don't want to hurt him

Creative_Recover t1_jeewoxq wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:48 PM

Bringing up these issues shouldn't be hurtful to him. And if he really loves you, it will matter a lot for him to discover that he has been making you feel so dismissed (and he will want to do something about it).

8vox8 OP t1_jeewz6k wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:50 PM

I've tried to discuss these things with him in the past but nothing really changes and I'm tired of saying the same things over and over y'know

Creative_Recover t1_jeexcdy wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:53 PM

Then why are you so admantly convinced that he cares about you as much as you do him?

I think you need to face up to the fact here that you are very poor at forming boundaries and that your partner simply isn't that invested in your relationship. You deserve to be with someone who cares about you as much as you do them.