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ThrowRApleasehelpo OP t1_je44g6u wrote

Reply to comment by robbyrandall in Should I (19f) end things with my unemployed bf (24m) by ThrowRApleasehelpo

I am a very avoidant and people pleaser-based person and find it hard to be confrontational. I originally had hopes to motivate him to succeed, however I instead am helping him be complacent as I am his only source of socialization. I do not want to discourage him or make him doubt his capabilities, and do not want to hurt him. Do you have and advice on how to speak to him or what to say? Thanks in advance

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robbyrandall t1_je451cl wrote

Look, external motivation from you is very unlikely going to work, especially in the long term. He'll do some job searching and try to socialize, but that's only to try to please you. This guy is not getting any consequences of not trying. He has food, accommodation and a girlfriend. Why would he try to get change?

Whats best for you and what's best for him is pretty aligned. You say, thanks for all the memories, but I refuse to be dragged down with you. Goodbye

If you make it sound like it was your fault and not his, he's going to end up resenting you more and not get up and do something about his own situation

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ThrowRApleasehelpo OP t1_je459rj wrote

You are correct. I have felt that I am enabling him by providing socialization and other needs. Thank you for your words and time

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