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HHIOTF t1_jeg1hq9 wrote

She's after your husband. He sounds like a good guy shutting her down like that.

Her intrusive behavior is completely unprofessional.

2,388

yuko-mo-me t1_jeg4rfo wrote

She just got married. I don't understand

747

HHIOTF t1_jeg5szp wrote

Some people have no morals. 🤷🏻‍♀️

856

pito_wito99 t1_jegs0nv wrote

marriage doesnt mean anything to a lot of people

144

AsterFlauros t1_jegxhk1 wrote

Some women get off on taking married men, even if they already have a long-term partner. Ex-friend of my husband did the same crap by chasing the married men in her friend group. The thought process is that of someone who derives their self-worth externally through others. It’s a hungry, endless void that is rarely satisfied. The thought process is something like, “Wow, he’s married but he’s throwing it away for me. I must be so amazing!”

If it works and the marriage ends, the married man loses his shine. To fall for her makes him unworthy. So he goes on the shelf while she seeks out other married men.

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Tekko50 t1_jegrcd0 wrote

Just got married doesn't mean happily married...

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elvaholt t1_jeh3myi wrote

Sounds like the woman hopes OPs husband had the same character defect she has... wanting something that isn't available. I bet her marriage was setup for this purpose

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MeatTornadoGold t1_jeh4glm wrote

She's literally complaining. During the honeymoon period. 2+2 is 4.

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Rottimer t1_jegpf5t wrote

This is like not understanding why someone that just ate dinner might still want dessert. Some people are just like that.

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justaguyintownnl t1_jegxuft wrote

She wants his attention, she is competing with you, whether you are competing or not.

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sittingonmyarse t1_jegzhlr wrote

Did she just get married or just have a wedding. Two different things these days. Lots of people want the wedding, but don’t remember that it comes with a marriage attached.

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mangababe t1_jeh1x6d wrote

Maybe she's jealous cause her husband sucks?

3

EjjabaMarie t1_jeh4an1 wrote

Marriage doesn’t make it a happy or healthy relationship, it just means they are married. Also, there are a lot of people who think that marriage/a baby will “fix” an unhealthy or broken relationship.

I can’t say that she’s “after” your husband, but her behavior isn’t okay and your gut is picking up in these cues. Keep communicating with your husband about how she makes you both feel and focus on your marriage. He might have to go to HR about her if she doesn’t stop.

3

raxafarius t1_jeh4jp9 wrote

She has and always will be a cheater. Married doesn't change shit.

2

RostinBurgerfinkle t1_jeh4gh5 wrote

Or it could be that she's really unhappy in her own marriage/her husband is awful - she sees your husband as a stellar example of what a husband should be, so she's trying to sense check/gain some perspective. Hence all the questions about your marriage etc. I'd recommend just directly asking her why she's asking all of those questions, in a nice way. Could be she's isolated in her marriage and this is a weird cry for help.

−1

19century_space_girl t1_jeh52f0 wrote

OP, since you observed this at an event, can you contact HR about her harassing him? If not ask him about going to HR because women like that don't stop.

5

WTF-Hell-No t1_jeg6mpo wrote

That girl is on the prowl and is jealous of you and your husbands relationship. Your husband needs to shut her down hard or she will escalate it further.

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yuko-mo-me t1_jeg6syn wrote

But why would she continue to do that she just got married?

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WTF-Hell-No t1_jeg7kw5 wrote

Just because she just got married doesn’t mean she’s happy with it. Some people thrive in destroying other peoples happiness because they are miserable in theirs.

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LunaMunaLagoona t1_jegkwvg wrote

It's called having your cake and eating it too.

Go visit r/adultery and you'll see it everywhere.

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SonsofStarlord t1_jeguad3 wrote

What a wild fucking place that it is

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insomniafog t1_jeh3jvh wrote

Every time I pop over there it blows my mind, then the disgust sinks in and I have to leave.

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SonsofStarlord t1_jeh3msv wrote

I got maybe 4 posts down and went yo wtf and left promptly.

14

Ad-for-you-17 t1_jeh5g68 wrote

> You should have tried out some online or emotional only affairs first. It’s like starting in the minor leagues. That way you can see if you’ll ever make it to the majors. You learn to hide your emotions and be able to tell if the SO is suspicious. If you make it through without incident then by the time you are ready to go physical it’ll be like riding a bike.

Jesus fucking Christ that sun

12

JesusTron6000 t1_jegw86w wrote

HOLY. SHIT. Lol people never cease to surprise me, good christ

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shepherdastra t1_jegfei9 wrote

Has a ring stopped other people from trying to pursue someone? You have morals, she does not.

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MrsMurphysCow t1_jegul2h wrote

Trying to seduce your husband has nothing to do with marriage - hers or your husband's. It's all about conquest and winning. If she is successful in getting your husband's attention off you and onto herself, then she wins a new trophy she can display for all the world to see, including her own husband.

Do not assume people have morals. Never assume that because someone is married that they are not also scumbags. This is a competition for her. She is obviously jealous of and threatened by you, and by your relationship with your husband. If she can cause problems between you two, then she feels powerful again.

Since she is a coworker, your husband could file a complaint with HR if her behavior continues. If she is creating a hostile work environment, the company will be required to either remove her from the area your husband works in, or if there are other complaints, remove her from the company completely.

It's nasty little girls like her that make success in the workplace still so difficult for so many women in the 21st Century.

35

Boysandberries001 t1_jegu6w9 wrote

seems like she may have married for reasons outside of love (sunk cost fallacy, settling, money, etc.) but now she's seeing what she could have had if she'd married someone like your husband instead..so she wants him

9

Gordon_The_Gorrilla t1_jeh03ue wrote

She might not actually want him, just his attention in front of you. It's a power play/fucked up ego boost. In another world she might have shit in your hat. Some people just get a kick out of fucking around others (and not just in the sexy sense)

8

throwaway7314288 t1_jegza28 wrote

Bc she’s a skank bitch and some ppl just get married bc they feel like that’s what they’re supposed to do. I would have him report her to HR. Tell them she’s making him uncomfortable with inappropriate questions that are also getting directed at his wife during work events.

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MooPig48 t1_jeguwvs wrote

Some people marry people they were already miserable with before they were married!

Iknowright? It’s kinda mind blowing

6

rico_muerte t1_jegxtf0 wrote

Her guy is the best she could do and the natural progression of that relationship was marriage. She obliged but has been wanting your husband this whole time. She's willing to risk it all to have him, watch your back because she's fucking dangerous.

5

sqeeky_wheelz t1_jegwoyz wrote

She probably only got married because she can’t stand to be alone, not because she loves her husband. Some people are like that unfortunately.

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wiseoldangryowl t1_jegxj8q wrote

She liked your husband before she got married and she still likes him now. I'm guessing she'd be more than happy to have an affair and THRILLED if he left you for her

2

CrypticEmpress t1_jegza5d wrote

Some people just hit the milestones they feel they're expected to.

2

SomeLadySomewherElse t1_jegzss3 wrote

My sister cheated on husband #1 with husband #2 and then cheated on him with husband #3. The same month they were married she was hiding her ring and changed into a nicer outfit because my boyfriend invited his brother over.

2

whycomeyounotattoo t1_jeh2zob wrote

some people in relationships just go through the motions of what they think should happen in a relationship at certain time points regardless of what is actually going on in the relationship

2

runrabbitrun154 t1_jegwfm8 wrote

I'd suggest OP's husband make a private note with HR about the behavior. Not for disciplinary action initially, but so his side of the story is on the record and the first that's heard in case it escalates.

10

Jen5872 t1_jeg3sc0 wrote

His coworker is being inappropriate. He needs to make it clear that he is not going to discuss anything not work related with her.

"My marriage is not a topic I'm going to discuss. Is there anything work related you need to talk about?"

At these work events he can excuse you both from sitting next to her. "Excuse us. We're going to mingle" or "I see John over there. I need to talk to him. Excuse us."

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Indecks9999 t1_jegbsaq wrote

Some people see this as a game. They desire attention and if your husband is telling her your the important one, its a challenge for her.

The need for attention is an issue many people have

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SandJA1 t1_jeh1gf8 wrote

Specifically, a zero sum game; if they win, you lose or vice versa.

7

DrHugh t1_jeg0uc4 wrote

In your shoes, I'd suggest to your husband that he tell HR, or at least his boss, about the prying, personal questions and attention he's getting from this woman, and that he tell her that he won't be discussing his personal life or you. Because this sounds like someone who is either trying to insinuate herself into his life, or trying to set him up in some way.

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AlleyQV t1_jegtrbn wrote

This. And tell HR she is making his wife uncomfortable in work situations.

17

MadamKitsune t1_jeg30ag wrote

She's looking for any cracks in your relationship that she can exploit, either because she's looking for an affair, thinks she's entitled to his attention or for some other leverage in the workplace.

Top marks to your husband for shutting her down and not taking the bait but he needs to cover his arse with his boss and HR and let it be known with them that her intrusive behaviour is making him uncomfortable.

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Missdollarbillinnit t1_jeg9rgu wrote

No this is not ok, please tell your husband not to be alone with her anywhere and ensure that someone is always present when she is around him.

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jamicam t1_jeg1yf7 wrote

This is something for your husband to work out with his colleague. If they are friendly at work, she may feel close to him as a friend and doesn't realize how her behavior is coming across to you. If it makes your husband uncomfortable, he should let her know, or start to distance himself from her at work, or whatever. Or maybe she is just socially awkward and doesn't understand personal boundaries.

If she asks you personal questions, don't answer them. Have an answer ready, like, "Oh, my husband and I don't discuss personal details about our relationship" and then change the topic.

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LongjumpingAgency245 t1_jegduy5 wrote

OP's husband should report her to HR.

23

jamicam t1_jegecr8 wrote

Why? This isn't an HR issue. No need to go overboard here. The guy just needs to establish boundaries with her.

−29

LongjumpingAgency245 t1_jegidpi wrote

If she harasses him, he needs to report her. https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment#:~:text=Although%20the%20law%20doesn't,the%20victim%20being%20fired%20or

It doesn't matter that he is a male. Men can be sexually harassed. We are trained on this at work....at it doesn't matter if we are the recipient of the behavior. We are encouraged to report if we observe activity that makes us uncomfortable.

The BF shouldn't suffer through unwanted attention.

21

jamicam t1_jegjmur wrote

There is nothing to say here that he is being sexually harrassed. What in the world?

You want him to go to HR and file a sexual harrassment charge because she asked him why he is so overprotective of his wife?

LOL yeah, sounds reasonable ...

−16

LongjumpingAgency245 t1_jegkhq2 wrote

I'm saying if it progresses.......... meaning she doesn't leave him alone and harasses him. Be aware and don't take shit.

13

SnooWords4839 t1_jeghkmd wrote

Your husband's response should have been - because I love and respect my wife and then stopped talking to her.

26

moxley-me t1_jegl3z2 wrote

She's on the make. It sounds like she's jealous of how good your husband treats you and wants to interject herself into that senario and cause problems. It also sounds like she's frustrated that whatever she's tried so far isn't working.

17

The-Clumsy-Pirate t1_jeget90 wrote

The girl is unhappy with her life and jealous of yours, and possibly trying to get it. It’s sad, but inappropriate. Shut her down harder next time

15

Peterdubh t1_jegem9z wrote

Sounds like she likes attention. You did the right thing by talking to your husband and he did the right thing but putting her in her place.

More than half the issues here could be solved with communication

14

Mountain_Monitor_262 t1_jeg7gh5 wrote

There’s something wrong with this girl and your senses are telling you. Be wary. She seems unhinged and trying to compete with you. Your husband needs to cut all and any contact with her. She will use any acknowledgment from him as encouragement. The woman married a placeholder until she can take your man.

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BraveAccident738 t1_jegougp wrote

Definitely something wrong with her. Your husband did a good job shutting her down.

8

Andthenwhatnow t1_jeh0ksg wrote

Every woman I ever worried about, I had good reason to worry about. Doesn’t matter why or what’s in it for her. Trust your self.

6

AlleyQV t1_jegtkg9 wrote

There's a lot wrong with this. But it sounds like your husband sees it and is trying to shut it down. Good for you!

5

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4

Stanseas t1_jegyerl wrote

It’s the girl. Both of you might find strength when the next time she’s forcing herself on you two to tell her that her questions and interest in their private lives and personal relationship is unwanted and unappreciated. Your husband can also make the very visible effort to put you between them while he feigns interest in anything other than her while you break it down but make sure he also says he feels the same way or if he leads the confrontation you say you feel the same way and it is being stopped. Not should be, “is”.

Then stare at her while she tries to find words, makes excuses, tries to shift blame or otherwise gaslight the situation but no matter what she says or how she says it, either say nothing more or repeat what you said until she leaves. If she doesn’t, then you both do and make sure to move yourselves closer to the boss or head of HR for the rest of your time.

4

Spiritual-Recipe9565 t1_jegzrtw wrote

Is anything else about her behavior "off?" Does she openly flirt with him or anything? It could be that this woman sees that your husband is a stand-up guy amd that you have a solid relationship, and is one of those insecure women who are just trying to see if their situation at home is normal or not. Do you feel comfortable asking her why she is asking you personal questions? Maybe you could ask her if everything is okay at home and approach her that way. It'll give her space to open up to you, and if her intentions are anything else, it gives you an opportunity to set a boundary with something like, "We dont like discussing our relationship casually. If youre having trouble, we dont mind offering our opinion, but otherwise we would prefer to stick to other subjects."

4

RealityHurts923 t1_jegwelx wrote

Good for your husband for shutting that down. I would have done the same. I've gone out with too many females in that past that would call me Jealous, controlling and insecure if I brought something like this up to them about there male coworker always around them. Good to see what looks like mainly females not shaming OP for this, or maybe because roles are reversed, IDK.

Good for OPs husband. It's amazing how when you meet someone who shares the same principals and values as you, all those insults are not a thing. You both have respect for each other.

3

tagibear t1_jegxfu4 wrote

My take on it is she's 1. Crushing on your husband, and 2. She's jealous of how your husband holds you in such high regard. I'm guessing hers doesn't.

2

petmama1234567 t1_jegxl3n wrote

I don’t get that she wants him, is miserable in her own marriage, is searching for cracks to exploit, needs to be reported to HR. Y’all are nuts.😂

She sounds like she was asking why it seems like your husband can’t have a conversation without feeling he needs to defend you. I don’t understand why you think this woman - who works with your husband - should be focusing on/paying attention to/sitting next to you at work events. Lolol. The women my husband works with are polite to me, but none are looking to be my bestie.

Well, unless they’ve had to much to drink. I once had a 20-something admin come running to hug me and gush over me. Ew. My husband is her boss. I would have preferred she ignored me!

2

EPH613 t1_jegzqec wrote

Pointedly ignoring OP is different than being politely cordial, though.

3

petmama1234567 t1_jeh01pd wrote

True. Maybe she’s awkward. Maybe she doesn’t like her. Who knows? This wouldn’t even tickle my radar.

The comments are wild, though.

0

xoxoLizzyoxox t1_jegxos1 wrote

Sounds like she has a shit husband who doesnt do shit for her, she needs to back off your husband. Being a good husband does not make him overprotective of you. She needs to not be a snake

2

Mental-Pitch5995 t1_jeh1kfj wrote

Some people have an agenda and personality that shouts “I’m an AH!” Stand up to this person and tell her she’s crossing the line into business that’s none of her’s. Then tell her to get lost. Don’t tolerate these types. No yelling and no verbal abuse just stand your ground justifiably.

2

thisisrandom801 t1_jeh49cn wrote

*THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH THIS GIRL AND YOUR INTUITION KNOWS IT*

What she's doing isn't normal and is borne of insecurity, poor boundaries and whatever other issues she might be subscribing to.

She see's things about you and your relationship she wants for herself and can't understand why you have it and she doesn't- why you have your man, and why she's got hers.

Regardless, doesn't sound like you or your husband are qualified or interested in coaching her through whatever's going on, so it's best to keep your distance from her and let her find another woman's husband to fixate on.

Feeling uncomfy is the first red flag we've got that who's around us shouldn't be there and it's really not worth the energy finding out why or questioning ourselves about it. Give her enough time and she'll show you why you're right to be guarded around her.

EDIT- LMAO totally wrong sub. I get a lil too invested sometimes. Whoops /grimace

2

NomadicusRex t1_jeh5jlt wrote

>NTA!

Wrong sub. ;-)

And yeah, some folks don't get how a marriage is supposed to work, how it's a partnership between two people who are supposed to love each other. A good marriage partnership is a "whole is greater than the sum of its parts" type of deal. I've had that before, but unfortunately some folks weren't raised with good relationship examples and it's a hard concept for them to wrap their minds around. I think they view a marriage as almost a roommate situation where you get to have sex. ::shrugs::

2

NomadicusRex t1_jeh5692 wrote

The correct answer is "He's not overprotective, this is just what a partner is supposed to do for the people they love, I do the same for him."

Frankly, I feel only pity for your coworker that she married someone who doesn't show that he cares about her.

2

Ianilla1 t1_jegrixf wrote

Sounds like she has a bad husband at home, and your husband, who sounds like a loving great guy, is probably just kind to her and she is seeing what a good husband is supposed to look like.

She's asking because she doesn't know what a loving relation ship is.

At least this is what I got from your post, I could be wrong.

1

Lesland t1_jegszd0 wrote

Yep. She’s the work wife.

1

goldrhyno t1_jegzdww wrote

Does this behavior seem to happen more often or escalate when her husband is present? Something tells me her behavior has more to do with her new husband than your husband.

0

Traditional_Front637 t1_jeh1wua wrote

I don’t understand. What makes you uncomfortable about her? Have you tried to get to know her at all?

−2

filifijonka t1_jegk0ut wrote

EH - maybe she's just abrasive.
Some people have very little social skills and can't help but rub people wrong.

−9

saclayson t1_jeg858x wrote

Maybe she’s trying to connect with you.

−23

EPH613 t1_jegzmck wrote

. . . by pointedly ignoring OP and socializing with her husband in front of her?

3

saclayson t1_jeh083w wrote

Sure, it’s another woman so she must have malicious intentions.

2