How do I speak to my partner(30M) about what I expect(25f) without sounding bossy?

Submitted by Whoevenameye t3_127y8hp in relationship_advice

Hi everyone. I started seeing this guy about 3 months ago. We are about to talk what we are doing this weekend. However, idk if I want to move thing forward. He is inattentive and not generous and this leaves me wondering if he actually cares about me. I recognize this could be my negative self esteem but if we were continue to see each-other, I would want some changes. (Remembering things I say, occasionally asking me how my day went, texting me something cute, paying for more things) How do I address this without sounding bossy/needy? Thanks in advance. I usually just avoid bringing up what I expect because I am afraid of rejection. And if it’s important, I am almost 25F and he’s 30M.

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ChildfreeAtheist1024 t1_jegdxui wrote

I think the way you're phrasing it here is fine. I would go with a simple "So far, I've enjoyed being with you, but in order to continue moving forward, I need X."

Try not to overload him with everything all at once. If you have a list, give him a couple at a time so he doesn't feel attacked.

Good luck!

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dwells2301 t1_jeghkt9 wrote

If there is such a long list it would make him feel attacked they probably aren't compatible. Dating is a time to decide if two people are compatible. It's okay to decide you are not.

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Whoevenameye OP t1_jegiqrf wrote

This have crossed my mind but I would really only need the four things I mentioned in my post and it feels like standard request but I’m not 100% sure. It also wouldn’t need to be everyday/all the time. I just wanna know I’m cared about.

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QuitaQuites t1_jegx12e wrote

What about things you want or like, vs expectations. Ultimately he may not meet your expectations or want to, but it’s important to share what you want in a relationship.

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saclayson t1_jegwd22 wrote

Explain to him all the ways you do those things for him. Guide him to be more like you.

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