normalboyz1 t1_jegbzb7 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 8:25 PM

i think everyone will have different level of ok with this. luckily you understand how it feels so you don't get upset too much.

i think the ball is in your court. you can ask him to stop cos for most ppl that's cheating. or if both of you are open enough, you can start sexting random ppl too, be open to each other and use the sexual tension from that into your sex life.

just have sit down and talk about it.

Critical-Attention51 t1_jegjnyo wrote on March 31, 2023 at 9:17 PM

Thank you for your reply!

We’ve had many talks about it! Both agreed that if it comes to a point where he feels like he will slip back into old secretive ways, and if he has absolutely any respect or care for me as a human, he would either tell me straight up or if it feels hard doing that then write me a little note (we’ve always left each other notes).

I even offered us sexting people together and he wasn’t against it but said it’s not something he wants to continue doing either alone or with someone.. time will tell, but i’ve made it very clear that me agreeing to work on/move past this is not me saying that what he did was okay, or that i’m the type of person to be scared to leave.

normalboyz1 t1_jegm77u wrote on March 31, 2023 at 9:35 PM

i think he's lucky you're pretty open minded. rather than making this an issue maybe you can actually enhancing your sex life.

maybe brainstorm what you both can do to experience the thrill together. maybe if it's involving stranger then do some light exhibitionism together for a start.

Critical-Attention51 t1_jegmwe1 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 9:40 PM

I think using this to enhance our sex life is a great option, because I feel trying to bury the feeling would only create an issue down the road.. but he is persistent on the fact that it’s not something he wants to continue doing at any point in his life, and that this personality he takes on while having these conversations with other women is so detached from himself.

I even joked that the reason he possibly doesn’t speak to me the way he speaks to these other women is because he actually views me as a human being, which he chuckled and agreed to. It’s a very peculiar situation for sure.