First post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1203tdh/my_23f_boyfriend_26m_got_his_exgirlfriend_pregnant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1

Hi, everyone. I decided to provide an update since something very significant has happened since my last post.

Before I get into the update, I wanted to clarify some things that a few people said/had questions about.

Jared and his ex are not secretly together. Before the night that they slept together, they hadn’t spoken to each other in over a year. Now, it seems that they don’t really get along unless they’re discussing plans/info about the baby
Ex-GF did know that Jared hadn’t told me about the pregnancy. According to him, she would say things like, “You need tell her.” Or “Why are you keeping this from her?” But she never pushed him on the topic too much.
Jared and I began dating on the 21st of December. He slept with his ex on Labor Day (early September) he did not cheat on me.

Now for the update…

After doing a lot of thinking and seeing the advice I got on my last post, I realized that it isn’t in my best interest to continue being with him. Having a baby is a huge deal and it would completely shake up our relationship. I wouldn’t be able to handle the responsibility of being a step-mother. I also don’t feel like I can trust him after he kept this from me for so long.

Yesterday, I invited Jared over to my place and I sat him down to talk.

I told him that I’m disappointed in him for lying and keeping this from me for so long and that I thought he was better than that.

Then, I told him that while I do love him, I cannot be with him.

And he actually cried, it was the first time I had ever seen him cry.

Despite what everyone’s saying, Jared really is a good guy. He just did something extremely stupid and inconsiderate.

By the end of the talk, both of us were in tears. It was a mess.

He asked me if we could still keep in contact and possibly remain friends. I said that while I wouldn’t mind that, it would take a lot time and I told him not to contact me for a while.

I wished him good luck with the baby and that was the end of it.

I’m very sad and broken up about this but I’ll be okay soon. I’m planning to go out of town to visit my sister (I haven’t even told her about this situation yet) very soon so hopefully that’ll take my mind off of things.

I thank you all for the advice on my last post it really did help me out. Have a great day!

Comments

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melissa3670 t1_jef6qaf wrote on March 31, 2023 at 3:54 PM

I think you made the right decision. To me, withholding the truth is a lie of omission and is the same thing as lying. It isn’t giving you full knowledge to make decisions about your life.

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tuna_fart t1_jef1kw4 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 3:21 PM

He didn’t lie to you. And it wasn’t inconsiderate if he wasn’t certain the child was his. You don’t have to accept being kept in the dark, but you weren’t entitled to anything in this case. It was his important information to share how and when he chose to.

bubblez4eva t1_jefbqea wrote on March 31, 2023 at 4:26 PM

Stop trying to make excuses for him.

Lying by omission is still lying.
He should've told her of the possibility so she could make an informed decision. He knows that, she knows that and most rational people know that. Why don't you?

tuna_fart t1_jefdige wrote on March 31, 2023 at 4:38 PM

There’s nothing to excuse. Telling someone something personal on your own timeline is not lying by omission. Neither is lying by omission “lying” at all. You’re not entitled to all personal details of anybody you date.

He did tell her. She did make an informed decision. Why are you pretending otherwise? And where do you get off pretending you speak for “most rational people” in the first place.

If you were to say you’d never disclosed something personal to a partner at a time of your own choosing, I’d call you a liar. And if you’d say that you had, I’d say then you’d need to go back and examine your points 1 and 2 above more honestly or else admit you’re a hypocrite. Which is it?