I (M 22) and my girlfriend (19) is going to celebrate our first anniversary. I just made a simple mistake of saying that she doesn't like fish as her food. I ruined our upcoming anniversary which is tomorrow. And she got mad and says she is disappointed on me. I know that I should know these things about her. But it just a honest mistake on my side. I did say sorry to her. I admit that I hurt her feelings. We're arguing. She keeps on saying that she's okay. And I'm insisting that she is not okay because she will still remember my mistake until tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. Saying that knowing her, she will still bring it up again and again. And then she hit me with the most painful words. "You don't know me". Yup, she said that because I made a mistake on here preference on food/fish. It made me feel numb. I don't feel anything anymore. It's just hollow inside. But I'm still sad that she says I disappoint her. Am I really a disappointment?

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Winter-Travel5749 t1_jeejhj6 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:14 PM

You’re not a disappointment; but she is. She sounds like a lousy GF.

GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeekbhe wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:21 PM

She may have negative qualities but I always try to understand where she is coming from. It's safe to say that I'm the understanding one between us

Winter-Travel5749 t1_jeem0eh wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:34 PM

Manipulative people search out understanding, kind people like you. Be cautious.

GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeemz8s wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:41 PM

Thank you for the advice. I keep my head just in case

WildlyUninteresting t1_jeeixej wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:10 PM

How often did you eat fish together?

Why did you think it was a wise choice?

Do you know her?

What do you plan to do to improve?

GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeek1sq wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:19 PM

We don't eat together because we're in a LDR

It was not a wise choice. But deep down I know that she doesn't want fish or maybe something else. And I forgot about it and I thought it was fish.

I do know her. I spent months trying to read her mind. Memorize all the hints that her body and words are giving when she's frustrated. And I was hurt that one simple mistake, she said that I don't even know her

Do I need to improve? I know for myself that I make mistakes. But every mistake I make, I always remember it and make it a lesson.

WildlyUninteresting t1_jeemm3m wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:38 PM

How much IRL time do you spend together?

GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeen3in wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:42 PM

We always video call

GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeen4m4 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:42 PM

And that's it

WildlyUninteresting t1_jeenizw wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:45 PM

A very important detail that makes this entire argument pointless.

GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeenn6c wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:46 PM

Ow, I'm sorry for that. I just wanted to be heard. That's all

WildlyUninteresting t1_jeentru wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:47 PM

Why do you want to date someone you fight over nonsense?

Is being single really harder than a pretend relationship?

GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeemw5y wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:40 PM

None. We haven't even met yet.

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GloomyVermicelli7469 OP t1_jeejbe6 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:13 PM

I forgot to mention that we're in a LDR

[deleted] t1_jeel5pp wrote on March 31, 2023 at 1:27 PM

[removed]

Skidoodilybop t1_jeercmh wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:12 PM

Not at all!

We can’t know everything about our partner in the first year, and while we will start to get to know our partners so we’ll over time - we will always have more to learn about each other. You never stop learning about your loved ones.

It’s also human to forget some things.

My friend forgot that her own mother is a Vegetarian and has been for a very very very long time. Her mom laughed about it.

Your girlfriend is being very insecure, and is blaming you for this when it’s something only she has control over and can change.

You sound caring and are doing a great job trying to help her feel special. She is not able to handle a simple mistake and could use some therapy or more experience in relationships.

I’m sorry this has happened. It sounds like she isn’t mature enough yet, and it’s not your fault.

[deleted] t1_jeeritf wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:14 PM

[removed]

NoxWild t1_jeerrr7 wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:15 PM

If she said you are a disappointment to her, then you should accept that she is telling the truth about how she feels about you.

This does not mean you are a Disappointment to yourself or to anyone else. It is not a global pronouncement about you to everyone else in your life.

Look. If you made an incorrect statement like, "I know you do not like fish," then you made a mistake. It's annoying and arrogant for you to say you know her likes and dislikes when you've never met her in real life and haven't known her for long.

It should not be a big deal if you say you are sorry.

If she keeps dragging it up, over and over, then that's very irritating and unnecessary.

Vegetable-Cod-2340 t1_jef5w5g wrote on March 31, 2023 at 3:49 PM

Maybe it’s cause I’m autistic and have ADHD, but when someone tells me something about them i that’s seems important like their favorite color or food , or seven something I notice I try to make a note of it . Usually in the notes sections of their page of my phone contacts

LeilaDFW t1_jeetm2y wrote on March 31, 2023 at 2:28 PM

She’s being emotionally abusive and manipulative. Don’t play into this. Assure her you definitely WILL make mistakes and it takes a lifetime to learn everything there is to know about another person. I’m sure she doesn’t know everything there is to know about you and she doesn’t even think that matters. The only thing that matters to her is that you worship her and make her your only reason to exist. I have been married 18 years and we are still learning each other.