Hello everyone. Please, read my post and offer me advice if you can. I’m incredibly lost right now.

My husband and I had our 1 year marriage anniversary 2 days ago. My parents (we live with them) got us a room at a hotel, so we planned to go there to celebrate. Before we left, I gave him his gifts the day before we left to go to the place. The gifts were a cookbook with recipes from his favorite video game, and a painting of his favorite game character which took me around 5 hours of nonstop work. This was also all while I’m recovering from surgery so I was also tired and in pain during it, so I haven’t been in the best mood already, which I think made it easier for me to cry.

We really got into a bad fight because I expressed sadness he hadn’t gotten me anything, not even flowers, and he was yelling at me and I was trying to speak over the tears while he kept interrupting me and asking if he could speak, despite begging me to talk to him about it. I told him that it was so hurtful to not even receive a sticky note with a “happy anniversary” or something small.

He asked me “do you know how much it hurts me too? When I make mistakes like this?” I told him it was incredibly selfish to say that and all I wanted was for him to listen to me speak without interrupting all the time and maybe say some words of comfort, but he said “I don’t know what to do when you get like this.”

He started telling me he didn’t get anything for me because he “didn’t have time,” then it changed to “Well you have access to my bank so you would’ve seen where I bought things from” I said I wasn’t expecting anything that would cost money or something expensive. That pissed him off more for some reason. The fight ended with him saying “Fuck you” hatefully and storming out of the room and taking off, and telling me he was gonna drive the hour home and leave me there for the weekend with no car.

We’ve had conversations before which result in him crying, guilt tripping me, or getting angry and yelling at me. Then he apologizes, and throws money at our problems (gifts) to make up for it I guess. He kept hyping it up so i thought he would have a special, romantic day for us. I planned for us to go to the zoo when we got back, but he made me think he had plans so I dropped mine.

He left and came back with some flowers from a nearby gas station. We continued fighting, I felt upset that he only got me something because I spoke about my feelings and he in turn made me feel guilty about them and ungrateful, and kept interrupting me. He just kept yelling at me and making me feel horrible and I cried for about the next 2 hours. We came home from the hotel early. He’s mad at me because I haven’t forgiven him yet and tried to talk about it again since I wasn’t allowed to last time, but he keeps interrupting me again.

What do I do? I’ve begged for couples therapy or maybe for him to seek individual counseling, but he says since he has ADHD, he keeps forgetting to look into therapy or health insurance (he has none.) I feel like the love has died. He won’t do the simple, sweet things to keep our relationship alive, like I do. I do almost all the emotional labor. I need some advice on what to do or say in this situation so he won’t feel defensive and we argue.

TL;DR, my (19f) husband (24M) of 1 year got me absolutely nothing on our anniversary, then emotionally hurt me and made me cry, nothing was resolved and he’s pissed at me for not forgiving him yet and telling him how I feel.