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tickleyourfanny t1_jeftjw9 wrote

girl it was over the first time he cheated..look at you now, you are paranoid, dont trust the guy and are waiting for the other shoe to fall...

> but I was very stupid and naive

well if someone is exposed for what they are, then you can no longer be naive...ignoring what that person does and is, does kinda make you still 'stupid'. anyways, just find a new person who hasn't cheated on you. its not gonna work out and you will have these exact feeling for the entirety of your time with your cheater. Just move on, you will love someone else I assure you

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LongjumpingAgency245 t1_jefyk9r wrote

Does your BFs cheat partner's know they were banging? I love when they say "I changed" like they can change overnight. He is delusional. Did you ever discuss why he cheated? Besides that, she was there. How is he changing so the scenario doesn't happen again?

If your spidey senses go off while on vacation, you end it. Let the spouse know what wonderful, supportive, and loving wife he has, and what POS her best friend is.

Be prepared to leave to leave if you have to. You don't deserve this.

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AnalystOk5065 t1_jefsysv wrote

What was the extent of cheating? Sex? Just kissing? Emotional cheating?

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Far_Operation351 t1_jeft89d wrote

They slept together/kissed multiple times

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AnalystOk5065 t1_jefu1lt wrote

Slept together like sex I'm assuming. Honestly, why do you want to be with someone you can't trust? That feeling will never go away. I know you love him, but you'll find someone else and your feelings for this dude will die down.

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Far_Operation351 t1_jeftbsz wrote

The first time they were allegedly drunk..... but the others.. she said he initiated it every time and he couldn't give me a reason to why he did. He just sighed and shook his head and said "I don't know" so I got tired of asking why.

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Liveware_Failure t1_jefu76p wrote

So you essentially forgave him without consequences. Really sorry to say this, but he's probably going to cheat again.

There's an amazing Maya Angelou quote which applies here. 'When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.'

You're worried about the wrong thing here, his childhood friend isn't the issue, your boyfriend is the person who cheated on you and only stopped when he got caught.

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AnalystOk5065 t1_jefv181 wrote

Not guaranteed, but probably will at some point. Plus she'll never be able to shake this worry that he will.

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HarveySnake t1_jefzaca wrote

Saying "I've changed" is a meaningless thing. How did he change? Did he take time to understand why he did what he did? What did he learn about himself? Did he tell you what character flaw led him down that path? What life changes did he make to ensure that he would never be tempted to do that again?

If the only thing he can point to are wholly external things, cutting contact with his affair partner, giving you access to all his electronic, those aren't really him changing anything. He didn't tell you about the cheating. She did. She either felt guilt for doing it or she was retaliating against him for breaking it off. Either way he didn't feel guilty for having done what he did, only for getting caught.

If all he can give you are the words "I've changed", you're insecurity is valid.

Now what? I think your boyfriend and you should consider couples counseling and your boyfriend should discuss why he did what he did.

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